


Sugar Rush

by hemowrites



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, badass!brittany, double posting now I'm writing this again.. Go me!, nerd!santana, personality swap.. you know the drill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-14 21:32:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11791878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hemowrites/pseuds/hemowrites
Summary: Being McKinleys baddest skank was the easiest thing in the world for Brittany Pierce, but falling in love with the lamest little lesbian nerd seemed to be the biggest middle finger the universe could have sent her. Badass!Brittany x Nerd!Santana





	1. 1. They Say I'm Dangerous.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is a little story I've been working on and have been posting at FF.net off and on for over a year now, probably.. But now I'm starting to get back into writing and I'm going to double post it.. Seeing as I use this site more, but I'd feel bad ditching over at FF.net. So Lo and behold!

** Chapter 1: They Say I’m Dangerous **

 

I would say it was hard to have such an infamous reputation, but I’d be lying.

I was only a Junior, but no one would have guessed as much with my fearsome reputation. Everyone within and even outside the walls of this stupid school knew that I was a nasty piece of work. Ever since the first rumors started going around in Freshman year that I was sleeping around, doing drugs and beat up anyone who would get in my way made me untouchable ever since. Maybe it was something to do with how everyone at McKinley just liked to ‘fit in’ or get on with their classes so they could get out of Lima – but they all sucked. So what if I got bad grades, my friends would rather punch each other than be a shoulder to cry on or my parents hated me. I got everything I wanted just by seeing the fear in the eyes of the people who dared to open their mouths in front of me.

Being an asshole was the easiest thing in the world for me.

“You got the stuff, Pierce?” Puckerman grunted as he knocked his shoulder against mine when he caught up with me in the corridor. He was an idiot with more brains in his dick than between his ears, but he was the closest thing I had to a best friend. He made the unfortunate mistake of shoving me on our way into homeroom during our first day at McKinley and I punched him square in the face, landing the both of us in detention. For some reason, he still wanted to hang around me after that. I needed someone to hold me back from too many fights and say what you want about him, but he was decent company.. Both in and out of bed.

“Why else would I have texted you to come meet me under the bleachers?” I rolled my eyes at him. “Like we do anything else here other than smoke with the guys and throw shit at the Cheerios.”

I wouldn’t say that he was my only friend. There were a few of us that stuck together.. Or more so, a few other skanks that followed me around. A queen needed her minions, after all. With a quick glance behind me, I wasn’t surprised to see Sugar and Joe trailing behind the both of us.

Sugar was probably quite honestly the most annoying person I had ever met, but she worshipped the ground I walked on. When Puck and I first decided to stop throwing her in dumpsters and dragged her into our hell raising, it was actually amusing to send her to do our dirty work for a while. There was something about taking advantage of a rich, naïve girl like her kind of gratifying.  Either way, he were stuck with her now. It wasn’t all bad, but boy, did I want to punch her sometimes.

Joe, on the other hand, just kind of went along with whatever we did. He wasn’t exactly a violent guy but he smoked weed like a chimney. Between Puck and I (and Sugars’ non-stop talking), he was a welcome sense of calm.. Especially when we got high.

Sometimes I wondered why they followed me around like a group of homeless puppies, but as the school hallway parted like the red sea to avoid me shoving them into lockers as I went – I remembered.

I was freaking untouchable.

Slamming my way through the doors to the back of the school, I smirked to herself as I spotted a loitering group of nerds standing in a huddle, looking as though they were reading through some comics or something equally as disgusting. Shooting a glance to, Puck, I knew in just an instant that he was thinking exactly on the same wavelength as I was. After all, it was our duty to the school to keep the nerds in their place. And that place was kicked down to the bottom, with their face in the dirt.

“Whaddup, nerds. Y’all got yourselves out here by the dumpsters all on your own just to make our lives easier.” I sneered as we cornered them. This was always one of my favorite parts of the day. Something about seeing the dear in their little eyes as we approached them let me know that I was doing my job right.

Though they cowered away, the nerds knew just as well as we did that there was no point in running away. This routine was probably as well practiced as the stupid cheerleading routines McKinley was known for. It happened every day, in the same place, more or less at the same time. Honestly, they should have learned by now not to come out here at all – but someone told me once that it was the only place on campus with phone signal strong enough for them to play their stupid little nerd games.

They brought it on themselves for being so lame.

After cracking my knuckles, the sound alone enough to make the nerds flinch, I took hold of the closest one of the group. Black hair, thick glasses, tanned skin and baggy, nerdy clothes.. She was one I actually recognized from my homeroom, but I couldn’t remember her name. She didn’t matter to me _that_ much. I could feel the way she trembled in my arms, her wrists small and fragile enough for me to wrap my whole hand around them with ease. I had hardly even done anything to her, and she already felt like she was about to faint.

Hilarious.

“Good girl,” I sneered, dragging her over to the huge metal container. I wasn’t really sure who came up with the idea of dumpster diving, but it seemed pretty fitting to but the trash out properly. No one cared about these losers – except for the teachers they were adamant about ass-licking.

It took almost no effort at all to lift the girl from the floor and tipping her own the edge with a small grunt. I had always been pretty lean and strong but fighting only built up my muscle mass. I swear, if McKinley was cool enough to have a fight club, I would have been their bead bitch.

Wiping my hands clean from the nerdy filth, I watched as Puck and Sugar dealt with the other two – a gay guy and some Asian chick who were also from our homeroom. It was an easy job – almost too easy that it was tiptoeing on the edge of boredom. Joe, who never really participated in helping us, often asked me why we still bothered but the answer was pretty simple.

Everyone in this place had to know where they stood.

We, as the skanks, were the most feared clique. No one got in our way or started a fight with us. The few times they had tried to, we soon nipped it in the bud. Dumpster trashing, locker shoving and foul, verbal assaults were just a few of many ways that we kept our place in the school.

The Cheerios were probably (and annoyingly) our closest competition. Rachel Berry and her band of air headed bimbos liked to show how ‘badass’ they were by throwing slushies at people whenever they felt like it. I can think of a million objects that could be used as a weapon, but a cup of icy drink was definitely not one of them. They were imbeciles and my fingers were practically itching to wrap themselves around Berry’s throat. The jocks weren’t even a blip on my radar and the nerds.. Well, they were just about as low as they could be in terms of the social pyramid.

“We sure showed them who rule the school, right, Britt?” Sugar chirped, padding along behind me as we turned our way to get under the bleachers. Sure, call it stereotypical, but it was the only place in school we could smoke. It was an unspoken rule.

“Yeah, Sugs, whatever you say,” I grumbled as I reached into my pocket for my tobacco tin, pulling out a pre-rolled joint and perching it between my lips. I had never really been all that talkative, so people just assumed I was numb to most human emotions and that suited me just fine. It wasn’t so much that I was numb – I just couldn’t really give a crap.

“I don’t know, Lezpez probably enjoyed having B’s hands all over her,” Puck chuckled, shooting me one of his signature smirks, everyone else chuckling along with him. “It’s not like she’s getting any other action,”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Fuckerman?” I furrowed by brow at him before sparking up the joint. After taking three long drags, I handed it over to him, letting the smoke trickle deliciously from my pierced lips.

“The Hispanic chick from homeroom. She’s a lady lover apparently,”

“You probably think everyone is a lesbian for your own disgusting fantasies,” I grimaced at his dirty smirk, watching as he passed the joint over to Joe.

“I’m pretty sure everyone knows she is, dude.” Joe shrugged before taking a hit. Puck’s observations is usually one I ignore, especially when it has to do with lesbians. The guy spent half of sophomore year trying to convince me to have a threesome with him and some other bitch he was sleeping with. As much as I liked sex, getting it on with another girl was really not something I’d be able to stomach. Honestly, Puck was a lot to stomach at times but he was an easy lay. Joe, on the other hand, seemed to weirdly know everything out anyone. They do say to always look out for the quiet ones.

“Well, whatever,” I rolled my eyes, watching as Sugar declined the joint before Joe handed it back to me. I didn’t really give a crap whether she’d smoke or not, but sometimes I wished she did. Maybe then she’d chill out a little. “At least she’ll have something to get off on tonight. S’not like anyone is gonna touch something like that,”

“I don’t know. I think she could be kinda cute if she changed into some nicer clothes and got contacts,” Sugar shrugged, making me wish (yet again), that she took a hit.

“Oh yeah? Why don’t you fuck her then?” I quipped, taking my last drag before stomping on the burned out joint to kill it. By the way Sugars’ mouth snapped shut and the boys snorted, the conversation was over. Thank God. The last thing I wanted to do in my free time was to talk about McKinley scum.

Lifting the snapback off my head for just a moment to run my fingers through my blonde hair, I let out a low sigh as I let my eyes flicker back to the school – just visible through the metal slats of the bleachers.

I hated school. Honestly, I wasn’t really all that sure why I was here anymore. It’s not like I had parents to force me to go in every day, but it was a little more complicated than just dropping out. Apparently, if I stopped going, the school police or whoever the hell they were would come sticking their nose in where they didn’t belong. The last thing I needed in my life was to get shipped off somewhere once they found I was living alone. I liked it here… Kind of. I had a shitty apartment, I had a job at a mechanic shop I loved and as much as I liked to act like I hated them – I did have some friends.

I might have been a Lima Loser, but I made it work.

“Let’s go back before Puck gets a boner thinking about me fucking more nerds,” I smirked, shoving my hands in the pockets of my skinny jeans as we trailed our way back to the school. At least it would be more tolerable with a smooth sense of calm rippling under my skin. My eyes felt heavy, so perhaps I could catch up on sleep with a much needed nap during homeroom.

Maybe the lesbian would still be covered in trash.


	2. Playing With Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I wanted to get the next chapter up pretty quick. I know a lot of people won’t be too into Brittany being so much of a bully and the severe lack of Brittana so far but I promise, it’ll all come together and soon.

**Chapter 2: Playing with Fire**

 

**Text from: Fuckerman -**

_[ Come over later? Ur ass looks so fucking hot in those jeans ;) ]_

I scoffed. I knew home room was boring to say the least and my ass was probably more interesting than anything else in the room but I really wasn’t in the mood for sexting. Puck always tried to start it with me, but it wasn’t my thing. Sex was probably the best way to release tension and it was easy - especially with someone as constantly willing as Puckerman. I slept with other people too, don’t get me wrong, but the last thing I wanted was for some loser to want more than that. Puck knew where he stood with me – a quick, easy fuck with no foreplay, no emotions. I didn’t do relationships. I barely managed friends.

Shaking my head, I locked my phone and shoved it back in my pocket. Leaning back in my chair, I lifted my feet up onto the desk. I saw the way Mr. Schuester, our homeroom teacher, glanced my way. I wasn’t surprised when he didn’t say anything. He used to try, but there was only so many detentions I could get before they gave up on me. Hell, I was surprised I hadn’t been expelled yet. If the principal wasn’t such a bitch herself, I probably would have been. My guess was that I kept people in their place so she didn’t have to. More than once, I’ve watched her stalk the hallways and make students cry.

When my pocket vibrated again, I let out a low sigh and ripped it back out, ready to give Puck a piece of my mind. Honestly, blatantly ignoring him was clue enough that I wasn’t interested.

**Text from: Fuckerman -**

_[ Lespez is staring at u. ]_

It was rare that Pucks’ texts took me by surprise, but I wasn’t expecting it. When he was sat four rows behind me, it was usually to tell me about my ass or that he was bored as hell – honestly stating the obvious. This, however? He really was going the right way for a kick in the balls. Of course people stared at me. I was hot.

With curiosity getting the better of me, I glanced to the other side of the classroom and, sure enough, Puckerman wasn’t lying.

Sat at her desk, notebooks, folders and papers sprawled out in front of her and pen in hand, the tiny tanned girl I threw in the dumpsters the day before was staring at me. Even behind her think rimmed glasses, I could see the intensity of her gaze. Though I would have assumed she’d be fantasizing my downfall in her imagination like the rest of her nerdy friends, her dark eyes seemed soft. She was looking at me – really looking at me. I wasn’t too sure if it made me feel comfortable or not. I was used to leers, fleeting glances of rear and hating glares – not a steady, simple gaze.

I didn’t like it at all.

It took just a narrowing of my eyes for the other girl to come to her senses. Her eyes fluttered before they flickered down, casting back to whatever she was scribbling down in her notebook. By the way her shoulders seemed to hunch, I was pretty sure she didn’t mean to get caught staring.

I’m not surprised. She was weird.

Settling back into my chair, I retired to keep on ignoring Mr. Schuester’s constant drone about whatever was going on in the school that day. Not that I really cared at all. This whole homeroom thing was complete garbage.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and clenched my jaw. I swear, if Puckerman kept sending me constant texts, I was going to block his number and any more chances of booty calls.

“Britt,”

I didn’t need to look over my shoulder to know that Puck was trying to get my attention. God, he was persistently annoying. With an exasperated sigh, I turned in my seat to see what he wanted. It better have been important. With a sly grin, obviously pleased I was giving him the time of day, Puck gestured to his phone.

Grunting to myself in annoyance, I pulled my phone out, unlocking it to see what was so damn important, he couldn’t leave me the hell alone.

**Text from: Fuckerman -**

_[ I think she’s drawing u. lol ]_

There wasn’t really much that took me by surprise – mainly because I hated the feeling – but this was one of those rare times. Glancing back to the girl in question, I noted how she was still scribbling, paying no attention to Mr. Schuester. Funny – I thought that nerds were all about school and classes, even the crappy bullshit ones like homeroom. Whatever she was getting her nose stuck into must have been pretty important.

If it _was_ me, I wouldn’t blame her.

Smirking to myself, I tapped out my reply to Puck, just as the bell rang, signaling the start of our free period.

**Text to: Fuckerman -**

_[ Ur fucking jealous. No 1 wants to draw ur ugly face.]_

After stretching out, feeling my bones crack from sitting still for _far_ too long, my attention was attracted by a quick blur of movement and a little shriek of horror.

“Give it back..”

Looking towards the commotion, I saw Puck standing in front of the nerd girl’s desk, holding her notebook above his head and far out of her reach. She was crimson in the face, almost trembling as she tried to swat the book out of his hands. Brave little nerd – I’d give her that. I didn’t even know Hispanic people could noticeably blush that much. Shows how much I knew.

Smirking, I rose to my feet and pushed through the students leaving the classroom to make my way over to Puck and his victim.

“Awh c’mon Lezpez. Don’t you want me to take a pic at what you’ve been hiding your nose in?” He sneered, “I think we all wanna have a look,”

Though the girl kept trying to jump up, her feet never rising more than a few inches off the ground, she was powerless to get it back. Puck was built like a brick wall. As he moved to shove her away, I took the opportunity to reach up and tug the book away from his hand. I was pretty tall myself and that dude knew better than to snatch it off me.

Flipping through the notes on what I assumed were math and science or something, I came across a few pages of what I could only describe as cartoon drawing. Something you would see in one of those comic books people like the lesbian nerd would cream themselves over. Letting my eyes graze over the inked drawings, my brow furrowed as I tried to make sense of them. They were mainly of a girl with facial piercings and a dress sense eerily similar to my own. Her eyes were lined in thick pen, intricately more detailed than the rest and piercing – catlike.

“What the fuck..” I breathed, eyes narrowing as I looked up at the girl. Her eyes were wide and frightened – much like I had just caught her doing the most shameful thing imaginable. I wasn’t surprised. I was pretty much known for beating people up for much less than this. If I wasn’t so taken aback, I probably would have.

Before I could say anything else, she bolted from the room with a swish of her ponytail.

“What the hell, that _is_ you. How fucking creepy.” Puck laughed, snatching the book out of my hands to get a closer look. At least it wasn’t just me imagining it. That girl must have spent a _long_ time staring at me if even Puck could decipher it with his thick head.

With one last bellowing laugh, Puck thrust the book back into my chest and walked from the classroom towards where I was sure he was meeting everyone else so we could head outside for a smoke. After all, what else were free periods for?

“Just a moment, Brittany,” Mr. Schuester called after me as I attempted to follow, making me stop in my tracks with a well-practiced eye roll. He was one of the few teachers who hadn’t quite given up with the lectures and ‘trying to mold me into a better citizen’. It was exhausting – not to mention creepy as hell.

“I want you to return that book.”

I had to admit, I really wasn’t expecting that to come from his lips. Lecturing may have been his annoying trait, but telling me what to do really wasn’t. After all, he did just sit back and watch as Puck snatched it in the first place.

“You must be kidding me,” I grumbled with a huff. “You just saw Puckerman take it, not me,”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

The way I narrowed my eyes at him was enough of a response.

“You return the notebook or I’ll write you up for double detention after school,”

“What the fuck?” I snapped, slamming the notebook down on the nearest desk. “I have to go to work. You can’t freaking do that. It’s just a damn notebook.” I was already stuck after school for half an hour or so on most days thanks to the majority of other teachers who thought it was a good way to teach me a lesson. Seriously, if you put all the bad kids in one classroom with no work to do, it really wasn’t that much of a punishment. It was more like a forced hang-out. I couldn’t really care less about detention but having to stay behind in this place and miss out going to my job wasn’t really something I could afford to do.

Literally.

“A notebook that was obviously important to her.” He stood his ground, staring at me with one of those creepy ‘it’s for your own good’ looks.

“Return it.”

 

* * *

 

 

I hated the library.

I had actually only been here a few times, and none of them were by choice. The last thing I ever wanted to do was voluntarily go somewhere filled with books, nerds and silence. It was almost infuriating and I really, really didn’t belong. Nonetheless, I strutted my way inside, noticing the way everyone’s eyes turned to face me. Some looked a little frightened but most just looked confused as hell. Oh boy, this was going to be fun. In the most sarcastic way possible.

It didn’t take me too long to find the girl from homeroom. She was hidden away in a corner, huddled over some kind of thick, old book that looked like the kind that would put me to sleep with just a few sentences. Honestly, how did anyone read that crap? She apparently could with the way she didn’t even notice me as I walked up, loitering beside the desk and peering over her shoulder.

“That crap looks boring as fuck,” I smirked. On cue, the girl almost jumped out of her own skin as her head whirled around, eyes widening when she finally caught sight of me. Her lips parted, but she didn’t speak a word. I wasn’t too surprised. After our little run in after homeroom, she probably thought I would beat her up for being a creeper.

“Relax,” I snorted, amused by her little goldfish impression. “I was just giving you this thing back.” When I dropped the notebook onto the desk with a smack, she jumped – staring at it with intensity before looking back up at me. If she hadn’t pleaded with Puck earlier, I would have seriously questioned whether she had the ability to talk at all.

Pulling out a chair, I sunk down. I wasn’t entirely sure why I didn’t just turn around and walk away. Puck, Joe and Sugar were probably already under the bleachers with whoever they had decided to drag along for a smoke, and most likely wondering where I was. This whole situation was Puck’s fault in the first place, so I wasn’t keen on having to spend time with him at that moment. Hiding out in the library, as lame as it was, seemed like my best bet.

“You have a name?” I asked. Maybe she’d actually talk.

“I.. um.. Santana..” She replied, her eyes fixated on the table, seemingly very unsure of herself. It wasn’t a difficult question, really. Her voice was quiet and soft – kind of a world away from the idiots I called my friends. “Santana Lopez.”

“You know who I am,” I stated with a smirk, nodding towards the notebook I placed on the table. Her face instantly flushed a darker shade of red and she almost looked like she was going to throw up. She sure was touchy. At least I knew for sure that the pictures _were_ supposed to be me after all.

“Do you draw that shit a lot?” I wasn’t too sure why I was asking. I didn’t care about anyone else other than myself – that was pretty much a fact. But I wouldn’t lie and say I wasn’t curious. Someone I usually bullied the crap out of was freaking drawing pictures of me and I wanted to know about it. It wasn’t as though there was anyone else in the room who could amuse me anyway. I got bored easily – Sue me.

“Um..” She started, flickering her eyes back up to me. She seemed just as confused about this whole exchange as I was. I was a badass- I could do whatever I wanted and she would just have to deal with it. “Yeah, I guess.” She shrugged, keeping her voice low as though she would startle me into hurting her. “Not just of you though… I draw a lot of people.” She found the need to assure me. “It’s easier to draw things you know… At least, it is for me..”

“Right,” I dragged out, nodding as though I understood. “At least I looked fucking hot,” I added, not being able to stop myself from smirking. I could appreciate myself, that was for sure. 

As though someone flipped a switch in her head, Santana’s unsure frown turned into a bright smile. It hadn’t really occurred to me that I’d never seen her smile before. It wasn’t really the first thing I thought of when it came to the people I usually threw into dumpsters or shoved against lockers. It was obvious that the only emotion I would get from them would be fear. But the instant she smiled, I had the weirdest feeling that I wanted to smile back.

I didn’t even smile much around my friends.

Nonetheless, I let the smirk fade from my lips and shrugged, feeling the nagging need to be a bitch. “Schuester made me find you.. So don’t think I wanted to,” Honestly, she was making me feel uncomfortable. I got catcalled and hit on daily, but the way she smiled when I called myself hot.. It was weird. _She_ was weird.

As though my words shot through whatever reasoning she made up in her head, her eyes lowered and she nodded in understanding. I wasn’t sure why she looked so damn disappointed. I really wasn’t the play-nice kind of girl.

“Thank you anyway,” She whispered, peering up at me behind her thick lashes.

So freaking polite.

“Yeah, whatever,” I grumbled as I stood up, shoving the chair back under the desk with a louder thud that I intended. I could feel several eyes flicker in my direction. “Puck’s an ass,”

Turning away from Santana, my hair flipped over my shoulder and I stalked my way out of the library.

Definitely something I didn’t want to experience again for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K&C if you wanna? Thanks!


	3. Just A Game.

**Chapter 3: Just a Game**

Puck had been insufferable since I told him I had to return the notebook. There was only so much of his obnoxious chuckling and amusement over me having to face the creepy nerd as I could take before I started ignoring him. It was surprisingly easier than it looked to just tone him out of my hearing. After all, I had a lot of practice during sex. He was annoyingly talkative all the time. Perhaps that was why we worked well as friends. I didn't really care too much to talk at all.

It wasn't always the case, though I tried to trick myself otherwise. Up until I was about seven or eight, I guess you could say that I was one of those stereotypical, bubbly blonde airheads. It was easy to see which version of myself was the better. Back then, I had no friends and was the subject of constant teasing. When everything changed, I was in charge. No one messed with me from then on.

"Are you even listening to me?"

Pucks' voice pulled me from my thoughts as though I didn't even realized I had completely blacked out. The cigarette in my hand had burned down to the filter, forcing me to drop it to the ground and stop on it with my heavy boot.

"Never do," I answered aloofly, flicking my hair over my shoulder and shooting him a little smirk to let him know that I didn't really mean any harm. Though we were close, he knew to be careful around me when I was in a certain mood. Luckily for him, now wasn't really one of those times. It was only first period, which we had decided to skip, so no one had pissed me off. At least, not yet.

"Asshole," He grumbled playfully, pulling out a small, cardboard packet from his pocket to offer me another cigarette. Accepting it, I placed it between my lips to light up. "Sugar's having a party tonight. Her parents are away again or some shit like that," He shrugged.

Sugar's father was some kind of diplomat, so there were a lot of long weekends where she was left alone with her enormous house. Compared to the rest of Lima, Ohio, it was basically mansion status. Whenever they went away, Sugar threw parties. At first, she used to be really apprehensive about letting people in and risking the place getting damaged, but the longer she spent around the skanks, the less she seemed to care. She was a whole lot more tolerable without the constant bitching and whining for sure.

"Cool. I'll pick up drinks," I replied with a shrug.

Parties for us were all part of the drill. We knew how to throw good ones, with the help of Sugars' place, and even the most idiotic people at school wanted to come along. I assumed it was because most other get-togethers were too selective or had rules about smoking or drinking. Honestly, why have a party when you have to follow rules? We always extended an open invite to anything we came up with, even if it meant having to deal with being in the same room with someone like Rachel Berry and her annoying as hell minions.

"Actually, I think you can do better than that… Wanna make it fun?" I knew by the tone in the mohawked boys' voice that he was going to offer up a challenge. We often made little bets for each other – whether it would be to steal the Cheerios' clothes when Sugar convinced them all to go skinny dipping in her pool, or to steal certain cell phones to mess around with peoples' relationships. I was all for a good bet and I never backed down. Not ever.

"Do your worst, 'cause I ain't backing out like you did last time. Pussy," I smirked, remembering back to when he backed off from seducing Rachel's right hand girl, Mercedes Jones, apparently fearful that she would cut off his dick when she found out it was all for a prank. Honestly, talk about playing it safe.

"I bet…" I could see his mind whirling behind his eyes, and as soon as his lips curled up into a nasty smirk, I knew he was going to make it a challenge. "I bet you can't get that lesbian nerd to come and get high."

Though Puck was a pretty predictable guy after all these years of knowing him – I really wasn't expecting that.

"You're fucking kidding me. She won't come," I scoffed, crossing my arms across my chest.

"I thought you could do anything? Badass Brittany  _fucking_  Pierce is gonna back off from a bet?"

"No," I grumbled, though the smirk on his lips seemed like he knew he already won.

I knew I had to win.

"I'll do it." At my acceptance, Pucks' eyebrow raised with peaked interest and he offered out his palm to me.

Shaking his hand, I knew what I had to do.

* * *

Finding Santana was actually a lot easier than I thought. I assumed, because I never really noticed her around before, that I would have to search up and down the entire school through the whole next period to find where the hell she was. After all, she didn't really stand out in a crowd. Her little boring sweater vests, lank hair and baggy jeans were the trademark of someone that tried to melt into the background.

However, as I turned to walk through the main hallway outside of homeroom, I saw her. Standing on her tiptoes, the small tanned girl was reaching into the back of her locker. Her face was tattooed with a pained expression as she exerted herself to find whatever she was looking for. Knowing her, it was probably a book, or another notebook full of creepy pictures of people she stalked.

"Lopez," I smirked, having crossed the length of the hallway to lurk beside Santana's locker. The way she jumped, hands clasping in the middle of her chest was enough of an indication to know I had taken her by surprise. Even though we had a single conversation that didn't begin or end in me beating her up (as usual, probably), it didn't mean she was comfortable. I could see the way she trembled in her shoes just with how close I was.

"I ain't gonna shove you in your locker. But it sure does look like it'd be fucking easy. You're a midget." I commented, letting my eyes run up and down her minuscule body. As well as being short in height, she was skinny and hunched with lack of confidence. She wasn't attractive in the slightest (not that I was into girls anyway), but acting like you gave a crap about yourself made a difference.

God, I sounded like Mr.  _fucking_  Schuester.

"We're friends, right?" I asked, the mere thought of saying that to someone like Santana putting a foul taste in my mouth. I didn't really  _do_  friends, and I especially didn't do friends with nerds. By the way her eyes widened and her mouth hung open in shock, I knew she hadn't really expected it either.

"Sugar is having a party tonight and I want you to come," I continued, not giving her the chance to speak even if she could find any words in that brain of hers. If her eyes weren't wide before, they definitely were now After all, it wasn't every day I personally invited someone lame to come along to one of our parties.

Actually, that never happened at all.

Santana was quiet for a long minute and I watched her mull the request over in her head. I wasn't surprised that she wasn't sure about it. I was an awful person and never had the best intentions for anyone else in my mind. In fact, I was only inviting her so I could get her high and win this stupid bet. If Santana was as obsessed with me as she was obsessed with drawing me, she should just say yes and make it easier for both of us.

"I...don't know," she replied, lowering her eyes and finding a book in her locker to hug close to her chest, as though she needed it for support. Her voice was soft and unsure, and I almost felt bad for her.

_Almost._

"Are you blowing me off?" I asked, my voice a little harder than I intended it to be. I asked nicely to begin with, and if she had to know that she had no choice in the matter, then so be it. "Well  _fuck me_  for being nice to you," I fake-scoffed, moving to turn around on my heel and storm away.

As if on cue, I felt her small hand grasp lightly at my elbow, stopping me from walking away from her. I didn't really know anything about the nerd, but I had an idea that she was one of those losers who hated hurting peoples' feelings – even if those people were nasty pieces of work.

"Wait," she blurted. Turning to face her, I could see the faint hint of a blush on her cheeks in response to her sudden outburst. "I…guess I can show up." I couldn't help the smirk that found my lips. I won.

"You're not going to hurt me… Are you?" Santana asked me, peering up at me from behind her lashes. God – I had honestly never met anyone as fragile. Kind of pathetic, really. After shaking my head slowly, I flipped my hair over my shoulder to prepare my escape.

"See you there at 9."

If only she knew.

* * *

I was late.

It wasn't exactly uncommon. If I wasn't at least half an hour late to the start of a party, I felt uncomfortable. Awkward starts weren't really my thing. I was more into the shady lighting, already consumed drinks and when people decided that dancing and smoking was better than making pleasantries with talking. That was lame.

Sugar's entrance hall was dark, music blasting from the speakers installed on the walls. The good thing about Sugar's parents being real rich meant that they had one of those super fancy speaker systems going on. It always made for a great dance party, and perhaps that's why the Cheerios always showed up, even though they hated us. After all, if they weren't invited, that would make it seemed like we gave even the smallest crap about them. Just ignoring them worked for me. Unless one needed a good punch in the jaw, anyway.

Glancing into the large living room, I could see the drink table –which Sugar had obviously had fully stocked by her house staff earlier. Kids from school were crowding around it, nursing beers and wine coolers. It seemed pretty quiet right now, with not many people dancing in the open rooms, but I was sure it would start to change when the brownies were brought out from the kitchens.

Joe, living up to his stoner persona, made the best pot brownies. As well as being able to get his hands of the best stash in Ohio, he was also a pretty great baker. Of course, I had only really had his brownies, but he did a better job with them than I ever could. I couldn't cook anything if my life depended on it – which really was a pain in the ass if you lived on your own. I knew, as soon as the party really got started, things were going to get a lot more interesting. Especially when Santana had her fill of brownies. That would wipe the smirk off Puckerman's face.

As though I was suddenly pushed into remembering I had a job to do for the evening, my eyes raked over the crowds. Santana would be easy to spot – after all, everyone who went out to these sorts of parties usually dressed to impress on some level. Santana probably hadn't ever heard of such a thing.

Sure enough, in the corner behind the grand staircases, I finally spotted her. She was dressed in a baggy superman shirt and tighter jeans than I could remember. At least she went without the sweater vest for a special occasion. Straightening my leather jacket, I felt a smirk creep onto my lips as I sauntered towards her. I might as well get started – she was already looking like she was about to bolt out of the door any second.

"Looking good, Lopez," I smirked, giving her the once over when I got close enough. Truthfully, she did look a little better than she usually did at school. Her hair was down, brushed smooth and framing her face. It was a shy attempt at effort but at least it was something. She covered and shielded the front of her chest with her arms, indicating that she was very uncomfortable in a party situation. Perhaps she hadn't ever been to one before. After all, the nerds didn't really seem like party animals. It was quite sad really, being sixteen or seventeen and never having lived outside of school.

As if to expand my point, her cheeks flushed a deep red as she digested my compliment, noticing the way my eyes scanned her body. Her face brightened with a shy smile, and I knew how I could get to her. There probably wasn't anyone else, besides this girls' family, who paid her any compliments. God, she was easy.

I wasn't into girls, to Puckermans' dismay, but I could pretend. Sleeping with so many people, faking so many orgasms and pretending to listen when I really didn't give a crap about anyone else's feelings fine-tuned me into a pretty good actress. If calling this nerd pretty and pretending I wanted more than I did meant that I could get what I wanted – then I was a winner.

We already established she thought I was hot. I would have questioned those thick glasses she wore if she didn't.

"Thank you," She almost whispered, bringing a finger to push her glasses up her nose, peering at me above the thick rim. So polite. I was going to have to get this over quickly before I had to satisfy the itch to kick her in ass a few times.

"C'mon. Hiding in the corner is lame," I shrugged aloofly, tilting my head for her to follow me through the house. As we moved through the house towards the extravagant kitchen, Santana stuck close to my side. In a house filled of bullies, cheerleaders and people who probably hated her guts, it was a good choice.

Luckily for the both of us, the McKinley students were already too drunk or adsorbed in their own drama to notice us.

"Grab a drink. You look like you need one," I suggested her as we passed the drinks table, grabbing myself a beer out of one of the coolers. I wasn't exactly surprised when she shook her head.

"I don't drink alcohol.."

"Okay spoil sport," I smirked, pipping the cap off my drink with my teeth before taking a sip. "Joe made some brownies if that interests ya," I offered. If she didn't drink, she sure as hell would probably not know what kind of brownies Joe liked to put together for these functions. This bet was going to be the easiest I ever made.

"I.. umm.. Is there something wrong with them?" Maybe she wasn't as naïve as she looked.

"Not at all," I shook my head, my smirk only growing as she gazed up at me. "They're actually really good,  _sweetcheeks_." Game. Set. Match.

"Can I watch you eat one first?.." She asked, her rational side obviously still cautious though my petname sent another deep flush onto her face.

"I can eat as many of them in front of you as you like,  _hon_. Don't you trust that I wouldn't poison you?"

She took a few moments to respond, her eyes flickering to the front, kicking the floor with her feet. "N-no… Not really,"

"Well good girl, because I'm not very trust worthy. Havn't you heard - I'm a badass." It was a bit stupid to just state the obvious, but I was having fun with this.

"I figured that out the first time you shoved me into the lockers…" Oh, touchy. Maybe this girl did have more bite than she looked like she did. But honestly, if anyone else had been forced here after their bully found out they were drawing creepy pictures of them when they weren't looking – they would be just as cautious.

"I don't see any lockers around here.. Do you?" I questioned her, pulling my lip into my mouth, letting my teeth scrape lightly against my lip rings. I watched her eyes flicker down to my mouth and any response she had was eaten up.

With another sip of my drink, I placed the flat of my palm against her back and guided her the rest of the way into the kitchen. Though she flinched at my sudden contact, she followed obediently regardless.

"I  _can_  be nice, you know?" I reassured her with a smirk as we neared a counter. On top of a silver platter, as promised, was a generous pile of small, square brownies. They smelled delicious and I knew Joe would have made them packed of the good stuff.

Picking a brownie up from the top of the pile, I brought it between my lips to take a bite, moaning a little in response. They were  _good_. What was probably even better, was the way Santana's eyes followed the cake as it hit my lips, visibly swallowing.

_So easy._

"Okay," She replied simply, as though she was satisfied that I wasn't going to kick her ass. She reached out for a brownie and hesitantly took a bite and I cheered inside.

This was going to get fun.

"See, that wasn't so hard was it, Lopez?" I teased her, finishing off my brownie before I bumped her shoulder with my own, making her smile shyly as she ate.

"No… It's pretty good," She replied as she finished the final bite of her own. Satisfied, I pulled myself up to sit on the counter beside the tray, watching her. I knew she had definitely never had edibles before, so I had to be kind of careful. I wanted to get her high to win a bet.. And not kill her or anything. That would be a pain.

"I did tell ya," I grinned, "Big bad Britt-Britt is always right,"

Watching how she flushed, yet again, I internally rolled my eyes as I placed my beer on the counter and reached for another brownie. I had a pretty high tolerance, obviously, so I knew my limits.

When Santana followed my lead, I had half a mind to tell her to slow down. But, then again, if she didn't know what they were, then I couldn't exactly tell her she could hurt herself with it.

Looks like I was stuck babysitting.

After she took a few bites, both of us stuck in a pregnant silence, she let out a small giggle. "You can be nice, Brittany," She grinned, watching as I ate.

It was either the pot brownies taking effect or I was going crazy, but it was a little cute. She swayed on her feet, smiling at me between chews like a bashful school girl, no longer feeling the need to cover herself up with fear. It was definitely somewhat of an improvement.

"Everyone says I'm so bad, but the truth is that I just know how to party." I replied, my lips tingling as I found my beer. Weed always seemed to relax me, no matter how I took it. I didn't really get those urges to hit someone or sulk off alone when I was high. Honestly, the idea that it made everyone else happier around me was probably the only reason I wasn't constantly stoned.

"Maybe," She replied, and I watched her smile fall from her cheeks as her hand rose to her head. "I feel funny.."

Hopping off the counter, I reached out to place my hand on the side of Santana's cheek, tilting her head up to meet mine. Her eyes were glazed as she looked up at me, a dopey smile lighting up her face at our closeness.

"It's the brownies. Just enjoy it and come dance with me," Though Santana was enamored by me, I could see the apprehension in her eyes. The last thing I wanted her to do was run off and hurt herself, get me in some real trouble or worse – leave before Puckerman could see my success.

Dipping my tongue from my mouth the run it across my drying lips, I leaned into her ear. Her hair smelled like fruity shampoo and it was actually, strangely delicious. "I don't bite,"

I could feel the way the tiny Latina trembled in my arms, a short gasp leaving her lips. Between me and the brownies going to her head, she didn't really stand a chance.

"I want to go whenever you go, Brittany," She finally replied as I pulled back, her voice breathy and her jaw slack.

"Good girl,"

Reaching down for Santana's hand, I tangled our fingers together to pull her into the living room. With her flushed face and wide grin, I knew I had her wrapped around my finger. Now, all I had to do was keep her amused until Puck rolled into the party and saw us.

Humming when we hit the heated crowd of oblivious teenagers, I pulled Santana into my front, claiming her waist with my experienced hands. Her face hit my exposed collarbone, gripping the edges of my leather jacket as she sighed. Her hot breath coated my skin and a shiver ran down my spine. Pulling her tighter against my body, I started to move, rolling my body against her tiny frame as the bodies blurred around us.

This might have been torture, but I might as well enjoy the buzz.


	4. Nice Sprites

**Chapter 4: Nice Sprites**

 

Time seemed to slip me by as the night went on, my head hazy from the brownies. My body tingled deliciously, humming with vibrations of ecstasy as the beer mixed with the batter in my stomach, warming me from head to toe. Joe was usually pretty darn good when it came to his edibles, but he had really outdone himself. If I was into sticking my head up people's asses, I would have perhaps complimented him.

I wasn't really aware how long I had been dancing for, but all I knew was that I didn't really want it to stop. My fingers duh into Santana's protruding hipbones as she moved against me, seemingly operating on the same celestial plane. She was a smart girl, and I had to assume she knew that she was high by now. Regardless, she seemed surging with a confidence I didn't know she had the ability to possess. For one, she wasn't cowering around me. It was quite the opposite.

The air between us was thick and clouded, her slender figure pressed up against my own. Small arms were looped around my neck, complimenting my hands holding her waist as we moved. With every curious movement of her fingers against the nape of my neck I shivered at the feeling of her nails playing amongst the tiny blonde baby fine hair.

The heat was almost stifling, faceless bodies bumping us on every side, but I didn't care. Personal space was quite the pet hate of mine, and more than once I had been known to start fights when other peoples' dancing got a little too close to me, but the thought of moving from my own personal bubble wasn't something I wanted to do.

Usually, the thought that some nerd was grinding up on me, and a girl at that, would have made me indescribably angry, I had a strange sense of being carefree. No one was paying us much attention, but I would have doubted I'd have been able to see if they were regardless.

I rarely felt such a gravitational pull while high, and I didn't want to release it from my grasp so soon.

Spinning Santana around in my arms, I pulled her hips back, flush against my own, as I buried my face into the side of her neck.

"I didn't know you could dance, Lopez," My voice came out as a purr against the shell of her ear and I felt Santana shiver against me, a sigh of a gasp leave her lips.

"Me neither," Her reply was nothing more than I whisper, but the vibration of her words trembled through her whole body and under my steady hands.

"I like you when you're high," I whispered, a chuckle rumbling low in my throat as my nose brushed against her neck.

"I like you all the time," She replied, her voice low and slurred as she slumped back against me. "My heart is beating really fast,"

Moving my hands from her hip to her stomach, I felt the heat of her skin through her shirt. She was abnormally heated, almost throbbing with how heavy her heart was pounding.

"I… I feel weird, Britt-Britt," She hummed before letting out a giggle. Her body felt heavier against mine and, though I had never really been worried about anyone else's well-being before, there was a first time for everything. I felt suddenly and strangely sober.

"What do you mean?" I asked, spinning the small girl around in my arms and supporting her frame. "Are you okay?"

The last thing I needed was to be responsible for someone being completely messed up.. Or even die. That would be a one-way ticket straight back to juvie.

I wanted Santana's eyes flicker between mine and her face lit up. Looping her arms around my neck, she dropped her weight onto me as she giggled. In her mind, it seemed as though there wasn't a problem in the world. This was exactly why amateurs got into trouble.

Holding Santana close to keep her up on her feet, I pulled my lip between her teeth with a harsh bite as the nerd girl groaned,, her head drooping into my chest

"What's happening to me?"

"Fuck," I cursed, my grip around her waist tightening as she continued to droop. The bodies around us continued to dance drunkenly, unaware of what was happening beside them. All the better, I thought. This was something that didn't need any unwanted attention.

I drugged the school nerd.

"Hold onto me," I instructed. There was rarely a time when I had to act mature aside from when it came to my work and paying rent. Even so, it would be a lie to say that this wasn't purely selfish. To save my own ass, I had to take care of Santana's. "Can you tell me where you live?"

"I don't know.. I don't what you're talking about," Her voice was slurred, burying herself further against my chest. I had been in her exact position before, and passing out was just around the corner. If she did that here.. If I left her here, it would be a police problem. Drug use, underage drinking.. It wasn't just going to be me who would get screwed up from this.

Prying her away from my chest, I gripped onto her face to take a closer look at her. Santana's cheeks were burning, borderline red from the heated temperature. Her eyes were dropping, hiding the whites of her eyes that I knew from experience were probably stained crimson. Though she looked relaxed, a goofy smile on her mouth, she was suffering.

I had to do something with Santana. Leaving her here would just be more trouble. The girl needed to sleep it off. Usually, Sugar let us stay over in her many spare bedrooms, but I didn't want her to know about this. Sugar was a loudmouth with no filter and quite frankly, I wasn't sure I could trust her.

"I feel sick," Her quiet groan was enough for me to make a decision.

"Fuck it,"

Grunting to myself, I ensured her arms were still looped around my neck and I lifted her clean off the floor. With one arm supporting her back and the other moving to scoop up her legs, I made my way towards the front door holding her bridal style. Santana was lucky she was so damn tiny and I worked out as much as I did. If she wasn't, I would have dragged her ass out of the house.

I felt her head move, her face turning into my neck as I carried her over the threshold and into the cold night air. It was impossible to tell exactly what the time was, but it was late. The streets seemed deserted and if it was possible to tune out the sounds of thumping music and talking teenagers, I was sure it would be deathly silent.

"You smell really good.." Santana breathed against the skin of my neck as she nuzzled into me. At least it meant she had yet to actually pass out on me.

"Okay, okay.. Keep it in your pants, Lil' Wayne," Though it came out as a gruff sigh, there was a small hint of a smile on my lips. I wasn't amused per se, but I couldn't lie and say it wasn't a little funny. Santana was probably feeling awful, dizzy and about to get knocked out, yet she was still fawning over me. Ridiculous.

When we finally reached my beaten up, old pickup truck, I fished in the pocket of my jeans for the keys. It was apparently a good decision on my part to come in the truck instead of my motorcycle. Riding home stoned with a passed out nerd on the back would have been impossible.

"I don't live far away.. So don't die before we get there, Lopez," I mumbled, opening the big passenger door while supporting Santana's body with one arm.

"Kay.."

It was easier than I thought to get her seated. Santana slumped down in her seat and lifted her arms a few inches to help me get her strapped in. I had never handled children in my life, preferring to just avoid them at all costs, but this was probably what it was like to deal with one.

Once satisfied she was secured, I pushed the door shut with a thump and jogged my way over to the drivers' side. I was still a little hazy, but I had driven in worse states before and ended up home in once piece.

When I climbed in, I felt Santana's' eyes on me as I started up the car, her head rolled to the side in my direction. She was grinning, looking a little like some creepy kid in a horror film. If I wasn't so sure she didn't have the balls for it, I would have been afraid she would have cut me open and stolen my kidneys before we got back to my place.

The drive was pretty silent, the lit windows of the neighborhood houses streaming passed us as we advanced. Every few moments, I stole a peek beside me to make sure the girl was at least still breathing. Her eyes shifted between being open and closed, but that meant that she was still functioning somewhat.

I bet Santana never imagined she would be in Brittany Pierce's car on the way to her apartment when she got ready to arrive at Sugars'. I sure didn't.

Pulling into the apartment building parking lot, I let out a low breath. The hard part was mostly over. Now all I had left was to carry Santana across the parking lot, up a flight of stairs and into my apartment. Great.

Getting her out was a little easier. As soon as I opened the door and unclipped her belt, she reached up for me to pick her up, her arms instantly finding their home around my neck. Satisfied I had her safety maneuvered, I kicked the door of my truck shut and proceeded to carry her up.

"Home sweet fucking home," I grumbled to myself when I finally managed to juggle Santana and my keys around to let us in. My apartment wasn't huge, but it did what it needed to. Not being a clean, tidy person with decorating or organization skills, I still managed to function here. With just an open plan living room with a cornered off kitchen and separate bedroom and bathroom, there wasn't too much space to mess up.

Carrying her through to my room, my arms hummed a sigh of relief when I finally managed to lay her down onto one side of my bed. Santana's eyes fluttered shut the moment she was finally settled, and I hovered where I stood. What was there to do now? Entertaining was most definitely not something I was good at, and this girl wasn't even my friend. Aside from knowing I had to get her somewhere to sleep; that was about it for my first aid training.

Moving to sit on the mattress, tucking one leg under myself, I stared at her unmoving form.

Watching her eyes flutter open, my eyes narrowed of their own accord as she sought me out, head rolling to get a better look at me.

"I'm sleepy," She breathed, her voice quiet and gentle, eyes starting to droop again.

"Go to sleep," I instructed her. "I'll be around…"

Rising to my feet, I walked around to the foot of my bed to where the comforter had fallen down – probably still from where I threw it when I had woken up in the morning, and dragged it up to cover Santana's small frame. She looked tiny in my bed, but that was perhaps because Puck was really the only other person who I had ever allowed to sleep there. She was small normally, but compared to my best friend, she was a borderline hobbit.

"Lay with me,"

Her soft request took me by surprise. Sure, she was high off her tits but surely she should have known that was the kind of thing I punched people in the face for daring to ask? I had half a mind to storm into the living room, slamming the door behind me.

But, as I carefully surveyed her pleading dark eyes staring up at me, my bitchy resolve was pretty quick to fade away. She in an awful position because of me, as stoned as a freaking Bob Marley wannabe and trusting me with her wellbeing.

God damn you, Santana fucking Lopez.

Sighing heavily, I dug into my pocket for my cigarettes, pulling one out and resting it between my lips. Climbing onto the bed beside her, I rested on top of the comforter, learning against the headboard and pillows.

"Just don't say I'm fucking nice,"

After turning to fish for my lighter on my bedside table, I turned back to find Santana moving closer to me on the bed. Though there was a comforter still between us, I could feel the heat of her body as she curled against me, her head finding the flat of my shoulder.

"But you are nice,"

Freezing with my lighter in hand, my eyes widened as I looked down at her with a bewildered expression. I didn't cuddle. I had never cuddled anyone before and never wanted to start, even if it killed me. But here I was, with Santana Lopez cuddling into me. I felt incredibly uncomfortable. Both from the fact she had forced me into a situation I didn't want at all, but also because I didn't push her away. I wanted to, but I was so frozen in shock, it never happened.

Deciding not to respond, I lit my cigarette, inhaling the much needed stress relief. Cigarette between my lips and my eyes on the ceiling, it was easy to pretend that none of this was actually happening.

To my horror, Santana sighed, her face burying further into my chest and her arm coming to loop around my waist. Taking in a sharp breath, my lungs burned as I coughed up the cigarette smoke I accidently gulped in shock. I should have pushed her away while I had the chance. Now, I was literally just stuck.

"Thank you for tonight. I had  _so_  much fun,"

Humming as a response, I took a further four long drags on my cigarette, careful to puff out the smoke away from Santana's form against my chest. I was pretty stumped as to what to say, but by the look of Santana contently snuggling into me, she didn't really need the conversation to get by.

Leaning forward a little to stub my cigarette out in the ash tray before relaxing back onto the bed. I was exhausted, but in no way comfortable to sleep at all. With my hand awkwardly squished between my body and the Santana-weighted comforter, it was impossible.

Groaning with the very thought of doing it, I stretched to free my arm, instead moving it to rest against Santana's back. How did people do this for fun? It was a little repulsive and awkward as hell.

"Go to sleep,"

It wasn't really a request, but Santana nodded against me regardless and nuzzled closer against me. It took just a minuet of feeling her breathing against me to know when she had finally settled enough to mean she had finally fallen asleep. Patting her back awkwardly, my head tilted up to allow me to continue my staring contest with the ceiling.

It was going to be a long night.


	5. Morning After

**Chapter 5: Morning After**

 

As my eyes fluttered to open, a groan rumbled through my body in response to the pounding headache I knew was a massive comedown from the night before. As far as I could remember, I hadn't had that much to drink.. Or smoke for that matter. When I felt a slight shuffling on top of me, my entire body froze like cold stone at the realization of contact and my eyes snapped down to my chest. Santana Lopez, the biggest dweeb in the school, was clinging to me like her life depended on it. That was all it took to remember what last night had brought me.

Letting out an annoyed sigh, I cursed myself for actually falling asleep with her there. Honestly, I wasn't sure what got into me at Sugars' party. All I wanted to do was get the biggest nerd in school high so she had a panic attack or embarrass herself so much that we could pick on her for it for the remainder of their time at school.. And most important, win that stupid bet. If the Brittany that planned that could see that I had let said her stay over in my bed, she probably would have punched me in the face.

Feeling my jaw clench, an ache shooting through my teeth, I took hold of the wrist of Santana's arm that was wrapped tightly around my waist and peeled her away, slipping away from the death grip. Pushing myself out from under the sleeping girl, I dragged myself out of the bedroom to have a shower. I needed to wash the utter shame off myself before Puck or one of the other skanks called me out on it.

As soon as I stripped out of the previous nights' clothes and stepped into the cool stream of the shower I instantly felt better. My neck was sore, the result of an awkward night pressed up against the pillow and headboard. Regardless, I felt well rested, ignoring the headache. After quickly washing my body and hair, I shut the shower off and jumped out, definitely feeling less grumpy which was a good start to the day.. At least, for Santana's sake.

Picking up a black towel I rubbed my hair, getting the worst of the water off before wrapping it around my body to open the door and walk back into my room. As I stepped back into the bedroom, my eyes went straight to the girl who was now wide awake in my bed. Her eyes were wide, confused and frantic as they took in the vision of me in a towel.

"Finally awake. Lopez." I grumbled, walking towards the chest of drawers to find some clothes. "You really passed the fuck out last night." I explained, knowing that she probably couldn't remember much, while I fished myself out some underwear, a v neck and a pair black jeans.

"I… W-what happened?" Santana whispered, her voice wavering. Turning around, I shot her a smirk before resuming to face the drawers and dropping my towel to my ankles. Hearing her gasp behind me, I rolled my eyes to myself as I quickly slipped on the clothes. Subtle, Lezpez.

Finally dressed and decent, I turned back to Santana to find her eyes averted, her face bright red. God, if she was this nervous to see my back and ass, it was a good thing I didn't give her any  _real_  show. She would have thrown up with embarrassment.

"Well, are you gonna lie in there all day?" I asked, though it came out a little snappier than I intended. Force of habit.. Or maybe just embarrassment from being so nice the night before. That and what the hell do you say to someone you usually bully when they spend the whole damn night cuddling you without your permission after you drug them?

"I… N-no…. Sorry," Santana stuttered, scrambling to her feet and visibly shaking. Crossing my arms against my chest, I watched as she stumbled around my bedroom looking for her shoes. "Sorry." As the small girl got more and more panicked, I felt guiltier about snapping. After all, it was kind of my fault she was in the state she was the night before.

Sighing, I finally gave in, walking over to her and tugged her shoulder gently. "Woah, calm down Speedy. You'll make that head even worse if you're not careful." I suggested, a little softer than before. I really didn't have to be a bitch but the mechanism was just drilled too deeply into me to just stop. "If you feel like shit, you should lay down,"

Santana cringed away from my hand and shook her head a little too fast to be normal. The effect the cannabis brownies had on her at the party was insane. She was all over me then – and now she was freaking terrified. "No.. I can't. I'm.. I've been," She stuttered, trying once, twice – three times to tie her shoe with trembling hands. My eyes widened as she straightened up again, her weak body falling back to sit on the edge of my bed, heaving and almost wheezing.

"I can't.. I can't breathe."

Though I had been watching her with a pretty neutral expression as she stumbled around, my eyebrows suddenly knitted together with concern. The girls' face was getting redder and her hands wouldn't stop wringing together in her lap. I remembered Puck saying that he heard that she had panic attacks in school, and that it was fucking hilarious, but this wasn't funny at all. She actually looked like she was about to die, or something

"What do you mean you can't breathe?" The scowl fell from my lips as I rocked from one foot to the other, not sure what the hell I was supposed to do. Going against my better judgement of my own nature, I moved to kneel in front of her, reaching out to grip at her thigh to get her attention on me. "Are you having one of your…. Freaking the fuck out things?" Weirdly enough, I actually felt like I gave a shit about her. Maybe it was just down to the fact that I put in so much effort to make sure she didn't die last night, if she did now, all that effort would have been for nothing.

"I can't.." Santana tried to talk, but was cut off my a huge gasp leaving her body. Pulling her thigh away from under my hand, she brought her knees up to her chest and held onto them, as though she was trying her best to keep myself together. She looked terrified, and I have no idea what I was supposed to do.

"What the fuck is going on?"

"Br… Brittany," Her voice was laced with pure fear, and it tugged at my chest.

Hopping up on the bed, I did the only thing I could think of. Remembering how much she liked to cling onto me the night before I pulled her against my chest and held her steady. It was awkward, and everything inside me was screaming to let her go and punch her in the face, but I kept her there – nestled in my arms.

"Just breathe. I got you," I mumbled, my hand coming to the back of Santana's head to keep her against my chest as she gasped and trembled.

Ever so slowly, I felt her trembles lessen and her breathing settle from being erratic. Her arms snaked their way to grip at my waist as she starting clinging onto me again. My jaw tightened in discomfort, but I powered though it. She needed this, no matter how much I hated it. As she slummed against me, sniffling and catching her breath back, I knew I did the right thing.

"Sorry…" She mumbled quietly into my chest, hiding her face away. She was obviously embarrassed as hell and I didn't blame her. I would be too.

"Don't apologize," I replied in a grumble. That girl apologized too much, and it was already getting pretty annoying.

Sighing, I tightened my hold on the girl and moved back to lay myself down, bringing Santana with me. If I was going to have to play the role of a fucked up teddy bear again, I might as well be comfortable while having to be put through it. "Are you feeling okay?" I asked softly after a few moments silence, filled with Santana's slowing breaths. Looking up at the ceiling, I only just realized that my hand was still cradling the back of Santana's head when she nodded against my chest.

"I think so.. Thank you,"

Laying in silence once again, I had no idea what to say. When I hung out with my friends, they usually tried to engage me into whatever they were talking about, whether it be asking my permission to do something or wanting me to bitch it out. Regardless, we actually had things in common.. I didn't know how to communicate with Santana on that level at all. Not only was I not a talker and her painfully shy – but we didn't mesh together at all. We were pretty much polar opposites.

"Brittany.. I don't remember most of last night," She started quietly, taking me a little by surprise. "But I don't think I've ever had that much fun."

"Never?" My brow rose, even though I knew she couldn't see my face. "What the fuck do you do all day every day, Lopez?"

"Not much…. I read, I study. Play video games and design my own comics sometimes," That must have been the reason for the picture of me. "Just.. Thank you for hanging out with me. I know I probably wasn't your first choice,"

"You really weren't that bad," Before I could stop it, a tiny smile creeped it way to the corners of my mouth. I actually did have a pretty good time but I would never admit that. I was high, so I probably would have had fun with anyone else that was high at that point, anyway

I wanted, pretty badly, to ask her what the hell just happened with her freak out, but I didn't really want to stick my nose in too far. After all, I knew all about how much it sucked to have people always wanting to get in your business. But, seeing as Santana was clinging to my chest like a koala, it probably gave me some kind of unspoken right to know

"So.. was that a panic attack or some shit?" I asked, wanting really badly to move my hand out of Santana's hair but I wasn't really comfortable moving at all in the position we were currently stuck in. I wasn't used to being touched if it didn't involve a fight or sex.

I felt Santana stiffen against me, her fingers clenching at the sides of my shirt. I could feel her mulling over the pros and cons of telling me what was obviously something she was really embarrassed about.

"Yeah… It was a panic attack," She admitted after a few moments of silence relaxing against my chest. "I'm anxious a lot.." I didn't know much about what a panic attack was, but what she just went through seemed awful.

"Shit," I breathed, my mouth turning to a frown. "'Suppose it doesn't help when I beat on you, huh?" When she shook her head, I felt uncharacteristically awful. Without even realizing it, I pulled Santana closer into me in response and froze, unaware why I was even doing it. I guess I really did have some kind of conscious after all.

"Do you want some… Water or food or whatever?" I asked, letting out the bated breath I was holding in my lungs. Maybe that meant that I could finally get my personal space back and stop feeling so Goddamn awkward.

"No… Food makes me feel nauseous right now," Santana replied, and I felt my shoulders slump at the idea that we weren't going to be moving at all. "But you should get something if you're hungry," She continued, lifting her head from my chest to look up at me, releasing me a little from her grasp.

"I'll get some toast," I nodded moving to sit up and making Santana get off me as I did. "And I'll get you some water," Standing up from the bed, I stretched out my arms before moving to leave the bedroom again.

"Brittany," The voice calling out behind me made me stop in my tracks and turn around, finding Santana sat on my bed, her eyes darting around my bedroom.

"Are you parents… Okay with me staying over? I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable."

I froze a little, my jaw getting tight as I let out a puff of air from my nostrils. It was kind of an unspoken rule between the skanks that no one mentioned my parents, and it wasn't like many other people came over to my place and asked. It was a little strange to be thinking about it again. Letting myself relax a little, I shook my head.

"I don't have any, so don't worry 'bout it. I work for this place myself," I shrugged, moving to collect my packet of cigarettes before turning back to the door.

"Oh… Why? Where are they? Where do you work? "

Deciding not to reply, I pretended not to hear her as I left the room, lighting a cigarette and heading to my kitchen area. I wasn't used to anyone asking personal things like that. Usually, I'd just insult anyone who even bothered to try. I was always mean but if anyone struck a nerve, I could easily slip into a blind rage and that was one of the reasons people steered clear of me. Deciding against bothering to make toast, picking up a cereal bar, I unwrapped it and began to eat, walking to the fridge to get two water bottles. Leaning against the counter, I sighed as I finished my last mouthful, working myself up to being with Santana again. There was something about the girl that made me not want to get angry, but I couldn't put her finger on what it was just yet. Maybe if I made some sort of effort not to be totally nasty to her, it wouldn't be so bad.

Walking back into my bedroom, I found Santana stood by my dresser, looking at a picture of me and Puck when we were younger. It almost made me smile/

"That was one of the first pictures of us," I piped up as I closed the distance between us, making her jump a little. Once registering what I said, she turned to me with a sweet smile.

"Is he your best friend?" She asked me as I handed her a bottle of cold water.

"I guess so," I shrugged, my eyes falling to the frames picture. He had gotten me it for my 16th birthday the year before. What a sappy dude. "He's a good guy, even if he is an ass."

I watched as Santana turned to look at the rest of the pictures I had. Puck's was the only one frames, but there were a few just pinned into the side of the mirror, all of me and my friends.

"I don't really know him.." She mumbled, opening her water bottle. "Is he like you? A nice guy under all the tough exterior?" I think she took herself my surprise as much as she did me, freezing for a moment before taking a long drink to distract herself. She was a pushy one. A silence fell on us as I mulled over what to say. If she was Sugar, she would have gotten a slap, most likely. But for some reason, I didn't want to be such a dick

"He's… Not such a bad dude." I decided to settle on, earning a bright smile from her when she realized she wasn't in trouble.

"I work at a garage outside of town, by the way. I maintain and fix cars and motorcycles." I shrugged after a long silence between us, answering one of the questions Santana had asked me. I didn't mean to be too rude by ignoring it before, but the prying on her parents shook me up a little. "It's not much but it pays my rent and for everything else I need. Plus I really dig motorcycles."

"Really?" She beamed at me as I took a drink, obviously happy I was opening up a little. "That's really cool. Do you have a motorcycle?"

I smirked a little, noticing how exciting she was getting over all of this. She was a little like a kid on Christmas now I wasn't being such a bitch. It was the first real, big smile I had seen from her, when she wasn't high as a kite, and it actually made me smile a little along with her.

"Yeah. A Yamaha YZF R6. She's my baby." I replied. My motorcycle was my most prized possession. I fixed her up myself at work, scouting out the parts, and the rest of the people I worked with helped me with the payments as a birthday present.

"Can I see it?" Santana's request took me a little by surprise. I didn't know the girl was that into motorcycles. Maybe she was just into me.. Whatever it was, she was kinda cute with it.

"C'mon," I smirked, tilting my head in the direction of the bedroom door to indicate for her to follow me. She seemed to have a skip in her step as we were on our way to leaving the apartment block, heading to the garages to the side of the parking lot. It was definitely a difference to having to carry her up the night before.

"Do you have a job or something?" I asked, kind of new to this whole conversation thing but making an effort nonetheless. Other than the fact she was the schools' lamest nerd who drew pictures of me and had random panic attacks, I didn't know anything else about her.

"No.." She replied with a shake of her had as we walked side-by-side down the stairs. "My parents want me to concentrate on school." Of course.

"School's kinda your thing, huh?" I smirked, glancing beside me at the small girl.

"Yeah, I love school so it's not really hard for me to put all my time into it."

"Totally get it. I love being a grease monkey so it's no big deal," I nodded

When Santana didn't say anything in response, I turned to look at her again as he hit the parking lot. Her face was a little flushed and her lip was pulled between her teeth.

"Well.. Yeah," She replied, noticing that I was staring and seeming to get a little embarrassed by her flushed face. "That's good.. That you enjoy it.. I mean,"

Chuckling a little at her embarrassment, I led us over to my garage, pulling my keys out of my pocket to unlock and lift up the heavy metal door.

"Here she is," I smirked, revealing my heavy, black motorcycle. "What d'ya think, Lopez?"

"It's so cool!" Santana gasped, her eyes wide with awe as she stepped into the garage and walked closer to the machine. It was almost as though she had never really seen one before. I was never one to protest when someone wanted to moon over my Beauty. She was the best of the best and I spent most of my free time tinkering and working on her to make her perfect.

"How did you learn to ride?"

"I used to love mountain biking when I was a kid," I shrugged with a smile, "When I got my job, I started testing our dirt bikes and found out they had a motocross team so I joined and kinda went on from there. I love all bikes, I guess."

Santana beamed at me, before turning back to the boke, running her fingers lightly over the handlebars.

"Does she have a name?"

Walking up to the bike, I tapped my hands against the leather seat. I would never tell anyone the story behind the name of my bike but there was something about Santana that made me want to tell her. Normally, I would have automatically responded with a no to anything that would make me seem lame or even slightly human, but I found myself speaking before her brain could tell me no.

"Black Beauty, y'know, after the horse. It was my favorite when I was small." I shrugs, feeling a little dumb for admitting it, but Santana smiled widely. She was pretty happy today, and it was a little infectious.

"I've never ridden a motorcycle before," Santana admitted, her fingers tracing over the buttons on the dashboard.

"Maybe I'll let you ride on the back one day.. Take your motorcycle virginity," When I saw the dark red flush on Santana's cheeks, it was so worth it.

"That would be awesome," Santana finally replied, her voice small and shy as her face slowly returned to its natural color. "Can I use your bathroom?"

After nodding, I led us back upstairs.

"I like that you named her after Black Beauty. I always wanted a horse for Christmas when I was younger," Santana smiled at me as we walked back into my apartment.

"Not gonna lie. I did too.. But I wanted a unicorn more," I scoffed at myself and Santana let out a little giggle. Yet another thing I would never usually admit, but Santana seemed to lap it all up.

"Bathroom is in there," I indicated when we were back inside, pointing towards one of the few doors leading off from the living room. Watching Santana walk away, I fished a cigarette from the packed in my pocket and my lighter, sparking up the cigarette and sprawling out on the couch. With Santana in the bathroom, I was surrounded by silence again and I didn't really like it. As irritating as I always found questions, CI didn't find Santana's so bad. If anything, it caught my attention how she could still be how she is after I bullied her so badly. When I had experienced the same thing, I definitely wasn't anything near as strong…

"Did you know.. When hippos get upset, their sweat turns red?" Santana's voice took me by surprise, before I could ever register what she said. Leaning up from the couch, I found her and chuckled.

"They do huh? Weird.." I offered, watching the nerves cross her face before I let out a low laugh. As soon as I did, her smile returned. She really should let loose a little more.

"Well, I gotta go pick up some parts for my motorcycle, so I can drive you home if you want." I offered with a shrug as I stood up, putting out my cigarette in a nearby ashtray.

"Yes please… If that's okay. I don't want you to be late," Santana replied quietly, nervously trailing her toes on the floor.

"It's cool," I offered as I led us back to the door and down to the garage. I half wished that I didn't have something to work on and places to be, because I was kind of having a good time hanging out. She talked too much and asked a lot of questions, but it was a nice change.

"This is mine, by the way," I smirked as we got close to my truck, "You pretty much passed out in it last night," I could tell how teasing my tone was, but it wasn't (for once), in a nasty way. I was playing, for a first.

"I can't believe I was that bad," Santana giggles to herself as we climbed in and I started the loud engine. It wasn't the best kept truck, but it got me where I needed to go. Besides, if it ever broke down, I had pretty much a free ticket for the garage where I worked.  
"You have quite the stamina, Squirt. Impressive." I nudged her shoulder playfully as we pulled out of the parking lot. "I dunno where the fuck you live by the way, so I need directions."

"I passed out.. So I don't think I was that good," Santana laughed lightly at herself as she started directing me through the streets of Lima. I lived right on the outskirts, and it looked like Santana lived in one of the super rich areas, so she wasn't too far away. It was most definitely a neighborhood I never went into. They would probably shoo me out with a broom or something.

"You'd be surprised. My first time, I puked all over myself, thought I was gonna die and was out cold for a good few hours," I smirked, thinking back to the days of being innocent. Of course, I had gotten high on plenty of things since then, so it was amusing to think back.

"That's it.." Santana pointed to a mansion-looking house with a long driveway.  _Damn_. Pulling in, I slowed to a halt and cut off the engine.

"I guess I'll see you around.. On Monday or whatever," I shrugged as I turned to Santana. I'm not sure why I said it.. After all, it wasn't like I was going to actually talk to her at school or anything. There was a social hierarchy to think about. I may have acted like I didn't give that much of a shit about it, but I liked being untouchable.

"Thank you.." Santana replied with a small blush as she unfastened her seatbelt and opened the door of the truck. "I had a lot of fun." When she stepped out and dropped the foot or so to the ground, she turned to me and smiled. "Thanks again."

After nodding in response, I watched as Santana walked up to the front door and doesn't switch my engine back on until she stepped inside and closed the door behind her. Starting up the truck, I reversed back onto the road to start my drive towards the garage I had my parts ordered into.

The whole morning had been an incredibly strange experience and I hated to admit it, but I actually enjoyed myself. I wasn't sure what was going to happen from then on, because my reputation wouldn't have stood a chance if I was seen talking to Santana at school.

Tightening my grip on the steering wheel, my eyes narrowed as I revved my engine harder. What the hell was going on with my head?


	6. All That You Rely On

**Chapter 6: All That You Rely On**

 

"B, did you hear me?"

Just like that, Puck's obnoxious voice dragged me kicking and screaming out of my tail of thought. Trust him to pull me back into the awful reality that was school. I hated math. Aside from having to listen to Mr. Schuesters damn annoying spiel in homeroom, it was my least favorite class I was forced to attend. I wished I skipped, but having skipped out on just about everything else that day, I had to show my face at least once or it would have been yet another call into the principal's office for a metaphorical slap on the risk.

It wasn't that I cared that much, but like hell would I give up my free periods to be there.

"No, I ain't," I sighed in response to the boy next to be, who was bumping my shoulder with his own. Seriously, the one thing that was more annoying that Puckerman, was a bored Puckerman. I liked the dude just fine, but I sometimes would have liked him better unconscious.

Sue me.

"You've gotten pretty damn cocky since you went through with the dare. Seriously, fucking awesome," He smirked, and I forced a smile onto my face.

Of course, Puck was pretty over the moon when he saw me dancing with Santana at the party over the weekend. All day, he hadn't wasted a moment before bringing it up. I swear, he seemed to have some kind of kink about getting nerds wasted, already planning on how to target the Asian chick from homeroom next.

I hadn't been able to stop thinking about it either.

Not necessarily the party, but more so the day that followed.. And even more because I  _didn't_  hate hanging out with Santana. She was irritating, asked far too many questions and seemed to find the need to apologize of just about anything, but she was alright.

It was rare that I felt calmer around another person. Even with Puckerman, I had a feeling of burning rage just under the surface of my skin. I had been that way for as long as I could remember, and being angry was just a normal every day motion. When I was alone, I was a little less irritable than normal, so I liked it that way. Others would prefer to spend a weekend with their friends, but when I wasn't working, I liked to just hang out by myself – either working on my bike or in my apartment.

With Santana, it felt different. Though she was irritating as hell without even trying to be, I didn't have that feeling of wanting to punch something just to let off a little steam. Even when she was clinging onto me.. And  _hugging_  me, I didn't have a feed to hit her. Even Superman had a kryptonite, and the world was honestly giving me a huge middle finger for giving me a person for mine.

Fuck you, universe.

"Shame you missed last period," Puck sneered. As if I would  _ever_  regret missing out on homeroom.

"Are you high?" I scoffed, pushing back in my seat to lounge. Sat at the back of the class, the math teacher never even bothered to check if we were listening or not anymore. Both awful at math and not caring in the slightest, we were kind of hopeless causes.

"Seriously. Everyone was talking about how that Lopez chick had a freak out in gym,"

That was enough to peak my interest.

"What?"

"Yeah, everyone in her gym class was talking about how she was like.. freaking the fuck out. Made a big freaking deal about it and then ran out. She wasn't in homeroom," Puck chuckled, "Good she wasn't though. Everyone was peeing laughing about it,"

All of a sudden, I felt a cold angry soar through my veins, the hair on the back of my neck standing on edge. The memory of Santana going through a panic attack while in my bedroom was fresh in my mind and although I acted aloof, it kind of terrified me. No matter how lame she was, that attack seemed awful. I had taken every sort of beating and had been in a bad state after one to many fights – but I'd pick those over what Santana had.

"Hilarious," I deadpanned, pulling my phone out of my pocket to mindlessly browse the internet, seemingly uninterested in what Puck had to say. I wanted to kick him for being a nasty idiot, but I didn't care about Santana Lopez.

I shouldn't care about her.

She wasn't anything to me.

"Just thought you'd wanna know," Puck shrugged, rocking back on his chair.

"I'm not,"

It was more than obvious that I burst his bubble.

* * *

 

I had always hated Mondays out of principal, but today seemed just that little bit worse than usual. The only class I had shown up in, Puckerman pissed me off and that left a bad taste in my mouth for the rest of the day.

Deciding to skip last period to head home and shower had been needed. After the cool water cleansed my skin, I felt a little less groggy and irritable, which put me in the right frame of mind for driving to work. I made a mental note to do it more often.

As I turned my truck around the corner, my eyes fell on a figure riding a bicycle along the side of the street. Letting out a low sigh, I knew exactly who t was without having to see her face.

Slowing down beside her, I smirked as I registered the way she jumped at the thought of a car moving to the wrong side of the road to get closer to her. Even so, I saw the way her brain registered it was me before I even rolled my window down.

"Need a ride?" My smirk only widening as I took in the blush forming on Santana's cheeks. Far too easy.

"Are… Are you sure?" Santana asked me, grinding to a halt. Dark eyes flickered around the street uneasily, as though she was looking for tell-tail signs of a hidden camera prank or something.

"Do I look like the kinda chick who offers shit if I don't wanna?" I raised my pierced brow at her. "The answer to that is no, Lopez. Get in."

Being truthful with myself, I didn't know why I was so adamant in giving her a ride. Ever since Puck told me about her panic attack, she had been hard to get off her mind. Every time I tried, I could only think back to when I had to comfort her. Even being the bitch that I am, I didn't laugh at her at the time. Those girls in her gym class were assholes.

I guess I just wanted to see she was okay.

Maybe.

After offering me a small, shy smile, Santana hopped off her bike and glanced at the back of my truck. I knew that she was weighing up how she could get the bike into the pickup, and I rolled my eyes before cutting the engine to head out and help her.

"I got it," I sighed, walking around to Santana to pick up her bike and place it in the back of my truck. It wasn't heavy for me, but Santana was thin and short. If she tried, she could have probably toppled over or something.

With the bicycle secure, I jumped back into the driving seat and waited for Santana to get situated before roaring the tuck back to life. Though we hadn't exchanged any words as of yet, I could see her staring at me out of the corner of my eye. It was a little obvious that this kind of thing didn't happen to her very often.. And it was probably especially unexpected to come from me.

"Thank you," She finally whispered.

"Don't mention it," I replied, tearing my eyes off the road for just a moment to glance across at her. She really did look freaking tiny in my huge truck.

"I heard about what happened today," I continued, my eyes narrowing as I concentrated on driving. "Puck told me,"

"Oh…" She replied, her voice small. Flicking my eyes back to her, I found her slouched, her vision fixated on the hands she was wringing in her lap.

"You're okay right?"

"Yeah, I guess.." Her voice was small and I wasn't entirely convinced. But, after all, it wasn't really my business. It wasn't like she was my friend or anything.

"People at school suck, Lopez. Fuck 'em,"

"I suppose so.." I should see her shrug from the corner of my vision. "I though Rachel was my friend though. I tutored her last year,"

The scoff left my mouth before I could even stop it with my teeth.

"Rachel fucking Berry? No.. She ain't anyone's friend unless she gets something out of it. Fucking bitch, that's what she is."

Though Santana flinched at my foul language, she didn't say anything in response.

"You don't need that asshat. Friends are overrated anyway and Cheerios are fake as hell," I couldn't express how much I hated them, but I was pretty sure everyone at school was well aware.

"I liked it though.. When I tutored her, none of the Cheerios were mean to me,"

"That's 'cause the rest of the plastic idiots follow the head plastic Barbie bimbo. Like freaking sheep with boobs and a lot less body hair. Though I dunno.. Berry is letting that 'stache run wild. Maybe Hulk Hogan is fashionable this year."

Santana's light giggle didn't fail to put a smirk on my lips.

"I just wanted to be protected.." Santana whispered after a few moments of silence.

I wish I could have been numb to the way my heart ached. I had spent so long not giving a crap about anyone else, it was almost as though I nearly forgot when it felt like. Santana was so damn fragile, just the smallest thing seemed like it could break her. I had no idea how I used to throw her around like garbage. She was so.. Utterly harmless, it was almost pathetic. From her oversized sweater, to her tight pony tail to her thick, dorky glasses – she was no harm to anything. Hell, a fly could do more damage.

Maybe if I had someone to protect me when I was smaller, I wouldn't be what I turned into.

"If that bitch or anyone else has a problem with you, just come tell me," I finally spoke up, my eyes solidly focused on the street. "I'll sort 'em out,"

I could feel her eyes on me as soon as the words left my lips, and I wasn't sure if I regretted them or not. Santana was so hell-bent on calling me nice and assuming I was secretly different to how I came across, and offering to be some kind of protection wasn't helping my case at all. Hell, I wasn't even sure why I was offering myself, but I did. I wanted to, I guess.

At the end of the day, she didn't really know anything about me to assume anything.

Feeling a little uncomfortable with the quietness in the truck, I turned my head to find Santana smiling at me, her face bright.

"What?" I asked, my brow furrowing.

"Nothing," She grinned, averting her gaze and shaking her head bashfully. "Just.. Thank you."

"Don't mention it," I shrugged, turning back to the road. "Seriously.. Don't."

I hadn't really noticed how fast we were travelling until we pulled into Santana's driveway. This ride was a little less awkward than the last, and I didn't feel like bashing my head in with a rock this time around.

"Don't get used to the rides.. I just felt bad for you, Lopez," I assured as we pulled up, putting the truck into park but leaving the engine running as I turned to her, pursing her lips.

I wasn't sure what I expected, but it wasn't for Santana to still be smiling.

"Thank you anyway, Britt," Great, a nickname.

_How quaint._

"Yeah, yeah.. Go away now before I get cranky." I waved her off, watching her unbuckle her seatbelt and step out of the car before she turned back around to face me, holding the door open.

"Have a good evening at work,"

Shooting her a quizzical look, my eyebrows creased in confusion. I definitely hadn't told her where I was going.. Was she stalking me now? "How in the fuck.." I started, only to be cut off by her smile.

"You're wearing overalls,"

Looking down at my own front, I mentally slapped myself in the forehead. Smart, Brittany… Real smart.

"Okay smartass, I'm leaving now," I grumbled, but I knew she could see right through me. I should probably be worried by that, but I had more important things to think about.

When she finally closed the door of my truck and fished her bicycle out of the back, I watched as she wheeled it to her garage, turning around and waving at me. Letting out a soft chuckle, I put the truck into reverse and continued on my way to work.

I was already fifteen minutes late.

This nerd was a little more trouble than she was worth and I had no idea what I was getting myself into.


	7. Coming In Hot

** Chapter 7: Coming In Hot **

I had started to regret offering my open hand of protection to Santana.

For some reason, she had linked it to the idea of us being some kind of friends, which wasn't true. I didn't do friends.. I didn't even like Sugar at all and she was one of the few people I spent time with when I felt as though I had to be somewhat social.

As soon as I got into school, I spotted Santana as I pulled up to park my truck. I had purposely waited in my seat for her to disappear, but to my disgust, she spotted me as she was walking up the steps. With a bright smile, she waved towards where I was parked. Though I didn't wave back and other people were turning to look at who she was signally towards, that didn't deter her. She walked into the school with a huge grin on her face.

Walking into homeroom first period, she smiled at me so intensely, the corners of her eyes creased. I was just damn lucky Puck was hellishly later than usual, or I would have had way too many questions to answer for my own comfort.

I knew I was going to have to talk to Santana about this crap to put an end to it. I wasn't anyone's little butt buddy. Especially not hers.

For the entirety of homeroom, I stared at the back of Santana's head and tried to think when would be the best time I could catch her that day to tell her to leave me the hell alone and forget about all of it. Though I could have easily gotten to my feet in the middle of class and gotten it over with, the last thing I wanted was for anyone to know that we actually hung out a few times.. If it could even be called that.

I learned that the back of her head was more interesting than Puckerman trying to talk to me. Interesting.

Class flew by while I was caught up in my thoughts, and I left Puck behind while speeding out of the classroom to try and catch up with the nerdy girl. Her sneakers much have been rocket fueled, because she was nowhere to be found. How could someone so freaking short move so fast on those little legs?

I made a mental note to myself to find her during free period and put a stop to it all and decided to wait for my asshole best friend.

"Took your time," I smirked as Puck finally emerged out of the classroom, his eyes boring into some dumb cheerleaders behind.

"I was distracted. You know I can't avoid some ass," His dopey grin put a scowl on my face.

"You're disgusting,"

"You love me," He scoffed, "Besides, you've fucked just about every decent looking dude in school. Why you hating on me for it?"

"'Cause I'm fucking sexy as hell. You're just creepy,"

Turning on my heel, I head towards my locker with Puck in tow. I had wood shop next period, and it was one of the few classes I actually went to, much less enjoyed. I had never been good at academics, but I could work with my hands. Whether it was woodwork, working on engines or just fixing general household problems, I could do it. Something about being able to physically see and work with whatever I was trying to figure out was a lot easier than seeing it all in my head.

"So… Sugs is thinking about another party. Her parents extended their trip or some shit like that, and she's pissed at them. I just think she gets too damn lonely in that house and wants to impress us,"

"She wants to impress  _me_ , Puck. She just wants to fuck you." I stated as I came to a halt outside my locker and putting in my combo.

"You think?" He smirked widely, leaning on the nearby lockers and kicking his feet like an over excited schoolboy.

"Don't even think about it. She's a toddler," I grimaced, shuddering at the thought.

"You jealous, B?"

"Fuck off," I didn't care at all about how Puck slept with and I never really have. Back in the early days, Puck used to get a little protective over me when I would sleep with more and more boys. He was worried I'd regret it or find myself in a situation I didn't want to be in. Though he was being over protective and worrying about nothing, I knew it was all with the best intentions. He cared about me quite a lot.

More than I cared about him, and I did feel bad about it.

"Does this weekend sound good for a party, B?" Puck asked, watching as I took my wood shop toolbox from my locker. "You know she won't make any plans unless you want in."

As usual, Sugar waited on my permission for everything. I could see why she didn't want to get on my bad side, but she was her own person. As controlling as I liked to be, I didn't like people waiting on my bated breath.

"Sure. I could do with a few drinks. This week has been weird as fuck,"

"Because you haven't seen me that much?"

I don't think it was possible to roll my eyes harder than I did.

"After the last party. The Lopez thing," I could see his blank look of confusion, instantly reminding me of one of those dumb sheepdogs. "I didn't get to get as fucked up as I wanted to,"

Puck definitely didn't need to know about the rest.

"I'll let Sugs know," He grinned, pushing off from the lockers as I closed mine. "Have fun in shop, Pierce,"

Playing with the latch of my toolbox, I watched as Puck walked down the hall and towards the back doors. I knew I could have told him about what went on with Santana and he could perhaps help me out. He was an idiot, but underneath it all, he was a good guy. Whenever I did something really stupid or got into trouble, he was the one to pull me back out of it and set me right.. Or slap some sense into me. He may look like an over grown baby with abs and a semi-cool haircut, but he was the brains out of the two of us.

Though I tried to tell myself otherwise, if I wanted his help with Santana, he would have gone above and beyond for me. If I told him I wanted to protect the girl, he would have helped me with it. No matter what I did, he supported me and always had. But, for some reason, I had an aversion. Whether it be just sheer embarrassment or not.

Maybe I wanted to just keep it to myself.

Keep  _her_  to myself.

A sharp shove to my shoulder ripped me out of my thoughts, a growl leaving my lips as soon as I registered the sound of annoying cheerleader chatter as they walked by me.

The brunette whose shoulder collided with my own briefly looked back with wide eyes as she was pushed along by her group, tearing them away as soon as we made eye contact.

"..And then Rachel got her right in the face. It was literally the best slushy throw I've seen in weeks," One particularly annoying cheerleader voice rang though the hallway. How the hell was I taken by surprise by these noisy bitches?

"The Lopez nerd? After the week she's had, she should just transfer,"

As soon as the words left the brunettes' lips, my blood ran cold, toolbox dropping to the floor with a loud clatter that filled the hallway.

Ever since I could remember back, I had a temper problem. As I went through puberty and stopped socializing as much, it gradually got worse and worse. The kids at school didn't fear me just because I was a grumpy skank who skipped classes to smoke weed. They feared to make me angry.

I was like some kind of unstoppable she-hulk. Even Puckerman couldn't hold me back when I really let it all go. It had only happened a handful of times through my years at McKinley, but it was already too much for the school to handle. All of my victims ended up in hospital after I got my hands on them. The only reason I hadn't gotten expelled was because of the guidance counselor and her constant efforts to get me into counselling for my anger management. All I had to do was make blind promises for stuff I'd never do anyway, and the buffoon of a principal let me off the hook every time. I was a problem kid.. It wasn't my fault.

For all intents and purposes, I wished it was my fault. At least then, I'd have some sort of control over that side of myself.

Feeling my feet move before I could stop them I stormed towards the cloud of cheerleaders, singling out the brunette who had bumped me like a lines picking out her kill from a herd of wildebeests. Grabbing the front of her uniform in my fists, I pushed her towards the lockers with a metalic thud.

"What was that?" I growled, my voice laced with a poisonous venom that made the shorter girl tremble against my fists.

"I'm S-S-Sorry for bumping you.." She stuttered, her eyes wide in fear as they looked from me to her friends. I could see the best of the cheerleading idiots out of the corner of my eye and they all had taken a step back, frozen and unsure about what to do. Whatever they would decide, I knew they weren't dumb enough to try and get in my way. Unless they wanted broken legs, at least.

"Rachel fucking Berry. What did she do?"

I couldn't find a crap to give about the shoulder bump now.

"I… She just.. She threw a slushy on a.. On a nerd. Like she… We always do," Fear really was making this cheerleader even more stupid.

"Which one," I spat, Gripping tighter as I started to lift her so only the edges of her toes were resting on the floor.

"Lopez! Santana Lopez.."

With that, I threw her down and staked my way down the corridors towards the locker rooms. Rachel Berry was going to fucking pay.

I could feel the fearful yes turning towards me as I moved, but my head was set on a target as I didn't have time to give to anyone else. Though they moved away, flinched and gasped at the sight of my blind, red rage, I had one person on my mind.

And I was going to kill her.

Slamming open the doors of the female locker room, I looked around wildly for Rachel Berry. I hadn't seen her lurking around the hallway like a leech, so this was the next best place to spot her.. It wasn't exactly like she was one hard to come by white whale. She was everywhere, which just made me hate her more.

After a quick scan of the room, it was barren. All except for Rachel's equally annoying friend, Mercedes Jones. Very much the school loudmouth and the girl guys drooled over, I hated her too. Fantastic.

"Where's your big nosed best friend, Aretha Franklin? I've got a bone to pick with her.. And use to mess up her fucking face," I growled, sparking her attention.

"I don't know what Rachel did to get you fired up, but why would I tell you, Pierce?" My pet peeve had always been when people got in my way.. especially when I hated them.

"If you won't tell me, I'll beat you up and have her for dessert." With the promise laced in my voice, any sane person would have backed away and given in.. Or at least run away.

Dropping her dufflebag to the floor, Mercedes planted her feet. I should have known that the number one minion would have done anything for her Mistress. "Bring it on, Pierce. I can handle myself in a fight."

"Hope you have some bite the backup that bark, Wheezy," I irked, my lip curling over my teeth as I smirked in anticipation, clenching my fists and cracking my knuckles.

After taking a second to survey the larger girl, clenching my jaw, I lunged forward, shoving the other girl against the metal of lockers. Not content with the power behind my action, I balled the material on Mercedes' shoulders into her fists, pulling her towards me before throwing her back against the metal with a second satisfying thud.

Pleased with my first hit, I took just a second to step back, my lips curling into a nasty smirk. There was nothing like the feeling of releasing some pent up energy in a fight. It always sat low and tempting in my stomach and releasing it was euphoric.

With a sharp jab to my stomach, I knew I made an amateur mistake. After landing her punch into my unprepared middle, I felt Mercedes' fist collide with my cheek, knuckled scraping my lip in the follow through. I had to admit, the bitch had the ability to pack quite a punch.

But the taste of blood on my mouth tore me back into my state of rage.

"Fuck you, Aretha." I growled, looking up from under my hair from where I had fallen back. Throwing my body forwards, I pushed the raven haired girl into the metal and kneed her in the stomach with as much force as I could while holding her in place. The cry that left Mercedes' mouth was heavenly to my sadistic side.

"You whore," She screamed at me, large hands coming to knot in my hair and pull me away. I had no choice but to push away from her and out of my grip. Wiping at my mouth to clear the blood from my split lip, I glared at her as she stood there, smirking at me.

"Had enough yet, skinny bitch?"

She obviously didn't know a single thing about me. Grinding my teeth, my eyes flashed with rage.

"You're gonna regret even looking at me today, Wheezy." I growled as I stepped forward menacingly before lunging to grab at her shoulders. Being twice my width, it took all my strength to flip her to the floor but I was strong. Finally kicking her legs out from under her, I watched as she tumbled, head smacking against the tiles.

I smirked down at the girl with an expression that could only be described as smug before I started to pound my foot into Mercedes' sides relentlessly. With every grunt, the rage simultaneously built and released, as though she was a punching bag to me.

"Scared yet, huh?" I spat down at her, before resuming her kicks. I knew I should probably stop, but I had no self-control. Every whimper and cry leaving the heap of cheerleader on the floor was just music to my ears.

Finally, I forced myself to stop, even if everything inside of me begged to continue. My feud wasn't with Mercedes. Taking a step back, I tensed her jaw as I breathed heavily, staring down at the hurt girl.

"I think we're done here." I finally spoke with a cold voice, narrowing her eyes before walking away from her, putting the remainder of my anger into punching a locker before pushing my way out of the locker room, leaving Mercedes behind.

That would hold me over until I got my paws on Berry.

As I stomped down the hall, I could hear the gasps and feel the states as people took in my appearance, blood running from my lip and the hate sparking from my eyes. I had obviously visually been in a fight and I was ready to go again at any second.

When a flash of black tried to slip by me, I grabbed the jacket of the unsuspecting girl and pulled her up and off her feet, bringing her to my eye level.

The nerdy Asian chick from homeroom. Perfect.

"Where's Lopez?" I growled at her and baring my blood stained teeth, watching as her eyes widened in terror.


	8. Best Behavior

**Chapter 8: Best Behavior**

Gripping tightly to the handlebars of my motorcycle, I sped down to the street where the gay kid from homeroom lived. I now knew his name was Blaine, thanks to Asian chick, but gay kid had more of a ring to it. Besides, giving names to faces wasn't really my style. It only took a stern look for Asian chick to give up the information, telling me that gay kid had taken Santana back to his place after she had been slushied to clean her up – with a few other nerds who wanted to be there for moral support. Seriously, who did that?

It took me less than two minutes after leaving the school parking lot to get heavily pissed off that my truck was so slow and luckily, passed by my house on the way to switch out to my motorcycle. I wasn't really sure why I was heading there because of the simple fact I knew Santana was there, or even why I got so angry at Rachel for the slushie incident. For whatever reason, I felt protective. Santana was mine to do with what I wanted.. Be that bullying or carrying her to my apartment when she was high as hell.

Either way, thinking about it too hard was not the best idea. Not when I was palm twitchingly angry. Not when I was riding.

Pulling up in the driveway, I left the roaring engine running as I tore off my helmet and held it under my arm. Holding the bike up with my strong legs with my feet planted on the ground, I wiped away some of the blood that was still seeping from the slowly clotting gash on my lip. That Mercedes bitch really did a number on me.

Sighing roughly, I impatiently sounded my horn. One of those damn nerds in the house had to have heard the engine by now.

Just as I was starting to think that turning around and going to take my anger out on a punching bag at the gym might be a better idea, the door opened with a click, revealing a very confused and shaken looking Santana.

"I can't believe you're actually here." I could only assume her nerd friend texted her to give her a heads up. I mean, I really didn't blame her. As far as the friend knew, I was on my way to beat her up or something. After all, it was kind of my thing. I guess that's what I got for being infamous.

"I did a shit job of looking after you." I wasn't too sure if that was my reason, or I was just stating facts that Santana obviously already knew. Either way, I felt like a bit of a dumbass. Santana's eyes shot up to meet mine – or should I say, my bloody mouth. I should have left my helmet on, but I could feel the anger radiating from my body and the last thing I needed was to be physically hot headed alongside mentally.

"Brittany! Wh-what happened?" She asked, closing the door behind her and rushing towards me, instantly reaching out for my face. "Did you fight Rachel?"

Almost as a reflex, I jolted my head away. "No. Not Berry." I answered vaguely, really not wanting to answer anything while I was still brimming with rage. Getting into that conversation would just bring up far more than I could handle at that moment.

Dipping my tongue out of her mouth and tasting the copper sweet blood, I made eye contact with those pleading brown eyes for the first time since pulling up outside the house. I knew what I wanted

"Put this on and get on." I ordered, holding out the helmet that had been tucked under my arm. I knew I probably sounded cold and uncaring (as usual) but it was the best I could do in that moment. I wasn't thinking straight, nor in the right mind. All I knew is that I wanted to get away for a little while, and for some reason, I wanted the nerd with me.

"No, I can't." She replied, taking a step back from me. The questions were swirling in her eyes, obvious as day, and I knew she was dying to ask them. It was all obviously a little too much. "My friends, are all inside, we're hanging out…" It was honestly a really lame excuse, and I was already tired of all of it. It was already enough to make me re-think this entire situation.

"You know what, forget it. I don't give a crap." I spat out, before bringing my cut lip into my mouth and letting out a shaky breath, averting my eyes to the side and away from the girl. The strange, unfamiliar pang in my stomach just made me feel angrier.

"I don't even know why I bothered." I muttered, revving the engine of my monster bike and pushing it back towards the road with my strong legs.

"Wait!"

The sudden outburst took me a little by surprise. I have never heard something so loud come out of the small girls' mouth. When her hand fell upon my glove covered counterpart on the handle bar to stop me from going, I couldn't bring myself to jolt away. Instead, my eyes just fell to stare at her action. My hands used to be the ones to throw her around, but now?

"I'm sorry… I'll go with you."

Ripping my eyes back up, I kept my mouth shut as I offered her the helmet for the second time. She took it, and fastened it before staring at me, a look of confused anxiety written all over her face. I remembered her telling me that she had never ridden on a motorcycle before.

"Just climb on and hold onto me. Don't worry about scratching her or anything." I grumbled, planting my feet firming on the ground as best as I could to support the bike to allow Santana to climb on.

She was awkward pulling herself up, but she managed it, wrapping her arms around my stomach and holding onto me as though her life depended on it. When I was sure she had settled and wasn'tgoing to just fall off the other side of the bike, I pulled out a pair of aviators from my jacket pocked so I could see without riding with a helmet and roared the machine back into life. I could feel Santana flinch against my back, and welcomed a smirk.

Pulling away from the house a little slower than she usually would, I could feel the smaller girl's hold around my waist as I rode and it seemed to calm me down- more than the cold, crisp wind slicing against my face. My driving was a lot less erratic than it had been before, that much was obvious. Not really knowing where I wanted to go, I soon realized I was heading towards the lookout point. I used to always go there when people pissed me off too much and I couldn't deal with being at school or alone at home. I would drive away and calm myself down by smoking in the small structure at the edge of it. It was quiet and private.

Finally pulling up at the lookout, I shut off the engine and kept the bike steady to allow Santana to get off without everything toppling over. She was ungraceful and clumsy, but at least she didn't fall on her face. That was something, at least.

As soon as Santana found her feet, she smoothed out her shirt and I could see her staring at me out of the corner of my eye. Of course she wanted to talk, and there was only so much time I could stall before I had to say something to her.

Pulling off my glasses, I tucked them back in my pocket before moving to kick the bike stand out, throwing my leg over and dismounting. Keeping my jaw tight, I started to walk towards the wooden lookout structure, hearing the ground crunch behind me to tell me that Santana was hot on my tail. I had calmed down a lot, but was never one to let things go.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay." I mumbled, sitting down on the bench and looking out over Lima, feeling the girl sit beside me. Looking down at my hands, I pulled off my leather gloved to reveal my angry looking bruised knuckles, clenching and unclenching my fists to get some feeling back into them. Being able to concentrate on my own pain helped with my short fuse issue.

"Why would you do that? Why would you care?" Santana asked, her voice soft.

"You said you wanted me to protect you." My voice was quiet and gruff.

"Why not? You bullied me for years.."

Shrugging, I clenched my fist tighter, wincing at the sharp pain. I didn't know what to tell her if I didn't know myself.

"Are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital? Is it broken?" She sounded so worried, I couldn't help but smirk, shaking my head and moving to grab my cigarettes from my pocket. I could feel the start of her smile from what I could see out of the corner of my eye.

"Please don't hurt Rachel. I don't want you to hurt anyone because of me,"

Raising my brow, I placed a cigarette between my sore lips, lighting it and inhaling the heavy smoke. I was going to kick the bitches' ass, with Santana's permission or not. Besides, she had it coming even if she didn't slushie her.

"Sorry I like… Forced you to ditch your friends," I wasn't really all that sorry, but I didn't want to talk about Rachel Berry any longer. The last thing I wanted to do was get angry now – not when Santana seemed to be the only thing that could really calm me down this easily. Weird.

"I don't mind," I could see her shrug out of the corner of my vision as she shifted to sit closer to me, her arm brushing up against mine. "But I don't understand why you came for me."

I didn't know either, so I wasn't sure if Santana wanted an answer or not. Either way, she wasn't going to get one.

"I told ya that I'd take you on a ride," I changed the subject, flicking the ash from my cigarette to the ground. "And I do shit on my terms, so I thought 'why not'. I was obviously looking my freaking best," I smirked sadistically, indicating my angry, split lip. The pain was dulling, but the clotting was starting to make it tight and uncomfortable.

"I think you're always beautiful."

By the sudden way Santana's mouth snapped shut, I was pretty sure she didn't mean to admit that at all. Figures that the only lesbian in school would find me hot. I was tall, toned and everyone was into a bad girl – especially the goodie two shoes nerds who need some excitement. I was practically a wet dream. If she didn't find me sexy as hell, I would have probably been real offended.

"Alright, keep it in your pants." I scoffed, smirking in amusement as Santana started to shrink beside me. She was far too easy to tease. Luckily for her, I was used to it, so it wasn't like it offended me or anything.

"What happened after you got slushied anyway? Did you have a-.. one of those things?" I asked, knowing that there was only so far Santana could sink down into the bench before she probably hurt herself or got an awkward splinter.

"Panic attack?" She questioned, and I nodded my head. "Yeah, I did.. Blaine took me to his house and cleaned me up,"

"So.. Did he have to do the cuddling this time?" I asked, and I could tell by the way her eyes flickered down to my upturned lips that she knew I was playing around with her. I wasn't normally a playful person, but Santana was a little different. I knew she wouldn't exactly go around telling people I'm nice or something. In fact, I highly doubted she'd tell anyone we hung out at all. Her friends would probably skin her alive and send her to rehab.

"Sorry about that…" Santana sighed, not being able to stop the very obvious blush on her cheeks. She got wound up really easily. It was almost cute.

"You apologize too much,"

I watched her open her mouth to reply, and it was pretty evident that she was going to apologize again by the way she let out a small breath and closed her mouth again. She was kind of starting to look like a goldfish.

"Can I see your hand?"

Furrowing my brow at her random request, I shrugged and handed her my right hand, which sported a very deeply bruised knuckle from my wicked hook. It wasn't like I hadn't had a million injuries just like it before, especially with the amount of fights I always got myself into, but it wouldn't hurt to have her look at it. If it made her feel better or something.

One thing I already knew about Santana, was that she worried far too much.

Santana carefully took my hand in her own, gently, as though she was afraid she would hurt me. It was pretty ironic, but there was something sweet about the way she examined the scrapes and blemishes on my skin. No one had cared for me like this since I've been on my own.

"You should get it cleaned up. And your lip. You don't want it to get infected." She said seriously, cradling my hand like it was precious, running her finger tips gently over my sore flesh. It was far too imitate but given that it felt kind of nice, I let it slide.

"Brittany, don't hurt Rachel because of me. Please." She begged, her voice small "I'll feel so bad."

Sighing, I reluctantly pulled my hand away, letting it fall into my lap and threw away the almost finished cigarette.

"I'm gonna do it anyway. She's had it coming for months, with or without you." Santana must have known there was nothing she could do to stop me – as hilarious as that sounded.

"I never knew this place was here," Looking over at the Latina, I watched her eyes scan over the view. It was quite picturesque – the whole image of the town looking like ants from the height. Everything just seemed so.. Insignificant and tiny from here. You could leave all the bullshit down at the bottom of the hill.

"I used to come here all the time when I got really angry at shit or when I needed to get out of this shithole." I admitted, careful not to say anything to push Santana away again. I was seriously starting to think I might be some kind of emotional bipolar. "You should see it at sunset or sunrise. Sounds lame but it's pretty epic, especially when you're high."

"It seems like a good place to think," Santana agreed with me, and I could feel her leaning more into me. I hoped she didn't start cuddling me or something. That would be far too much stress for one day, I might pop a vein. "Maybe I should try that one day."

Catching me by surprise, I turned with a peak of my pierced brow, meeting her sly, smirking little face.

"What the hell. Careful. You're gonna turn into a little fucking badass and your little friends are gonna come after me with pitch forks or something when you start skipping class." I chuckled, feeling light for the first time that day. Damn this girl.

"I skipped today, I guess," She replied, looking a little smug. What a nerd.

"At least, if your friends hate me for this, I know you probably wont."

"You'd care if I hate you?" Her question took me a little off-guard. It wasn't exactly what I took from the conversation at all, but it got me thinking. I could have run to anyone after getting that pissed off. I could have gotten high with Joe, or run away to sleep with Puck.. But no. I decided to find Santana and take her on a ride and she made me feel better than my other friends had ever been able to. Or anyone, really. I didn't like people. At least, I never used to.

This girl was some kind of Kryptonite.

"Do you have a time you have to be home by? Or back at Andernerds or whatever? He probably think I killed you,"

"No," She replied quietly, eyes boring into the side of my face so fiercely, I could almost feel it. "Why don't you want to answer my questions?"

She was getting brave, and I wasn't sure I liked it so much.

"What questions?" I replied, though playing dumb would really go right through her. Santana was smart.

"I-.." She started, before taking a deep breath. "I'm just curious. I mean, I'm a nerd and you used to bully me. A lot. You say you don't like people but you don't seem to mind me so much. You smile around me and you actually talk.. More than you do to Puck in homeroom. You seem to care about me, kind of.. And I'm confused. Is this a bet?"

Letting out a sigh, I shook my head, a small trace of a smile on my lips.

Yeah, you're a nerd and I'm someone who doesn't give a shit about what people think of me. Do you think I really care that much about all those stupid cliques? I don't like a lot of people because they're either obnoxious bastards or just piss me the hell off for just being annoying or completely lame." I spat with a slight bitterness. "But you.. You don't piss me off as much. Well yeah, you do irritate me sometimes and have been driving me up the fucking wall since I started actually talking to you with all your questions and saying sorry literally about everything, but you're not as bad or freakish as I thought you were."

"If you tell me what annoys you then I'll stop…" Santana replied quietly "But, thanks I guess, for saying I'm not that bad." Her eyes didn't leave her lap and I had a sinking feeling that I had upset her or something.

"No it ain't that.. I like hanging out with you and I meant.. I'm not surprised you're confused as fuck. I am too. I haven't even told Puck 'cause I don't know what I'm doing."

"Oh," She breathed, sounding a little more upbeat. "I like hanging out with you too." If smiled could kill, I'd probably be dead. "You don't have to tell anyone. I won't tell anyone. I mean, my friends know now, because you kind of showed up on your motorcycle, but I don't have to tell them anything." She seemed pretty sincere.

"Good. Because if people found out I have this…. Soft spot for you, I wouldn't hear the end of it. If you thought today was bad, it'll be fucking world war three."

"You have a soft spot for me?" I turned to look at her, taking in the ridiculously large grin on her face. "I won't tell."

I couldn't help but scoff out a laugh.

"Well.. When I get angry, no one goes near me because I'll just beat 'em up. But here you are, calming me the fuck down. Maybe you're like some kinda calming drug. "

"I'm glad I could help," I could tell she was probably getting off on all of this. "If I can prevent anyone else from getting hurt, that's a good thing.. Now.. If only I could stop you from beating up Rachel."

Meeting her eyes, she gave me a look that almost screamed kicked puppy. Her eyes were dark and wide, eyebrows raised. She was pouting at me, and it was working.

"Fine, fine.. I'll fucking try." I sighed, kicking the ground and standing up. "Let's get you back before it gets dark or before you kill me with those damn eyes."

"I guess I'll spare your life. I don't want to have to walk back." She grinned, jumping to her feet and almost skipping back to the motorcycle. What was my life coming to?

I watched her run ahead, putting the helmet back on her head and waiting for me to catch up with her.

"If you keep threatening my life, I might have to pop a wheelie on the way back. Really get your heart pumping,"

Her eyes widened behind the helmet, and I smirked.

"Please don't."

With a grin, I jumped back on Beauty and kicked away the stand, waiting for Santana to jump on the back and take her position holding my waist again. It didn't take long before I roared the motorcycle back into action and started us on our journey back to Santana's house. We were fighting the incoming sunset, but at least it made for a good view on our way down the hill.. Not that Santana was looking. With how tightly she was gripping me, I was sure her eyes were screwed just as tightly.

Pulling into the strangely familiar drive way, I slowed down the bike and cut the engine, waiting for Santana to climb down and get back on her feet – which I'm sure, she was thankful for.

"Maybe next time, you can open your eyes," I teased, smirking as she handed me back the black helmet.

"Sorry.."

Raising my brow, I relaxed back in the leather seat and let out a small, amused huff.

"Next time you apologize for nothing, you have to do whatever I say. Let's call it a bet. To get you out of that bad habit.

"Um… Like what?" She asked, her eyes wide.

"I don't know yet. I guess we'll have to see, Lil One."

I wasn't sure if it was the bet, or the nickname, but Santana's face broke into a gleeful grin – and I couldn't help but follow suit. She was infectious.

"So.. I better get back and sort out my hand n' lip. Doctor's orders," I smirked, pushing back to reverse out of the drive way. Almost instantly, Santana's lip gutted out into a giant pout.

"Oh cheer up.. You'll see me soon."

I watched as she sighed, nodding with a small smile.

"I hope so."

So did I.

_(So did I.)_


	9. Chapter 9: With Me Now

"Fuck, yeah. You feel so good, B."

I could have probably thought of at least twenty other things I would rather be doing than laying on my bed while Puckeman thrusted his pelvis into mine. It wasn't that I didn't like fucking him. He was probably my favorite lay in the school and his uncomplicated attachments just made the whole thing easier, but I just wasn't in the mood.

I was always down to fuck. It was one of the many things that just about everyone at school knew about me, whispering in the hallways about how much of a slut I was. A lot of woman, namely Rachel Berry, got far too touchy about that kind of talk. As for me, I didn't care. There wasn't anything wrong with a woman who owned her sexuality and used it to get what she wanted out of men. Some called it slut shaming, but I preferred the term 'empowerment'.

Perhaps that was why Puck started to realize that something was going on.

Ever since this whole thing with Lopez started, I hadn't been in the mood to sleep around. Things were already confusing enough in my head, and I wanted to spend my nights after work drinking and getting high, instead of sucking dick. For anyone else, it would have been a legitimate response, but it was so unlike me. Unfortunately, Puck knew me better than anyone else.

He began to ask questions on the third night of me shooting him down. I knew he meant well by asking if I was okay and if something was going on with me that he could help with. He was a jackass, but he had my best intentions to heart when he wasn't irritating the hell out of me. I appreciated it, but I didn't want him to care so much.

It took a steamy text on my part and demanding him to come over after I finished work to stop his suspicions.

I was just starting to get into the sex and forget all about my confusing new friendship, my aching knuckles, lip and my recent run in with Rachel Berry, when Puck started to u his pace. By the rate that he was pounding himself into me, I knew he was about to finish up. Usually, he did manage to get me there too, but I didn't care this time around. If I did, I would have slapped him and made him get me off first.

Digging my fingernails into his back, I let Puck ride it out, grunting away into my neck as he came.

"Thanks, B," He sighed, pulling out of me and peeling off the condom to throw it across the room into my trash can.

"Don't get too emotional," I smirked, pulling the sheets up to cover my naked waist before reaching for my pack of cigarettes on the night stand.

"Fuck you, Pierce," By the way he moved to lay on his front, I knew he was just a few minutes away from falling asleep. It was always the same - like clockwork. Uncomplicated.

"Shut up and go to sleep,"

"Kay," He replied with a smile, eyes closed as he drifted off. Smirking, I lit my cigarette, blowing smoke out into my dimly lit bedroom.

The sudden light up of my phone attracted my attention, eyes falling to the screen to read the text.

**Text from: Unknown number**

_[ Hey, It's Santana. I heard about what you did to Rachel.. ]_

* * *

_Waiting not-so-patiently, I learned back against my locker after the school bell rang, letting my blood boil under my skin. Even after letting my anger out on Mercedes, and being somehow calmed down significantly by Santana when I had seen her, I had my eyes set on the feud I had with the bitch queen herself - Rachel Berry. I knew I didn't need to do anything to her for my image, or even for Santana after she had said that she didn't want me to retaliate, but I wanted to put the Cheerio diva back in her place. The place under my feet. As soon as I caught sight of the brunette turning into the empty corridor, I pushed off the metal lockers and started storming towards her._

" _About fucking time, Berry,"_

_I saw her eyes widen at the tone of my anger flared growl. She knew she was about to get hurt._

_As quickly as that flash of fear appeared, it melted away as the girl put on a cool exterior, coming to a halt in front of me and crossing her arms against her uniform covered chest._

" _How are you today Brittany?"_

_I couldn't help but scowl in hatred._

" _Oh cut the crap, Man-hands, and wipe that little weasel smile off your face." I spat, stepping forward to tower over the shorter girl. "You really fucked me off but I'm impressed you didn't bring anymore minions I would be forced to send to hospital."_

_Raising my hands, I shoved her back, almost making her trip over her feet. I watched as she clenched her fists, taking a step back towards me and squaring up. She was getting far too big for her boots and I would be lying if I said that it wasn't just that little bit more fun when people put up more of a fight against me._

_It made it far more satisfying when I destroyed them._

" _Why are you so angry Brittany? You bully everybody in this school, why is she so different?" Rachel demanded, "Why did that piss you off so fucking much?"_

_I tried to not let her reference to Santana get through. It wasn't like the nerd was anything to me anyway._

" _I don't like you. I don't like your prissy little attitude and how you think you're a mother fucking queen. I needed an excuse to put you back in your place." I growled, walking towards as I poked and poked Rachel further back. I was taunting her, waiting for her to react so I could snap._

" _I hate you just as much as you hate me, I think you're a horrible human being and nothing but trash Pierce. At least people respect me. When they look at you, all they see is a mistake that shouldn't have been. Even your parents hate you now." Rachel sneered, the acid tone just dripping from her tongue._

_Perhaps the reason why I hated Rachel so much, was that she knew too much about me._

_But that went two ways._

" _Well at least I chose to be this way. Your mother gave up on you before you were even born. She should have just gotten rid of you and spared us all the countless times we had to tolerate being within a fifty foot radius of you." The words left my mouth and froze the air around the two of us._

_I wanted to break her. I wanted to show her that even though she knew my past, that I knew hers too. In a place like this, it was an eye for an eye._

_I watched as my words settled over her head like a ton of bricks, her small body vibrating with anger. Among the rage that laced in my blood, I felt triumph._

" _Take that back."_

_As quickly as she could get the request out, I lunged forward, grabbing her cheerio jacket and lifting her clean off the ground. Moving towards the lockers, I slammed her back against them, her feet flailing and trying to kick at my shins._

_With a sadistic smirk, I pushed my arm against her throat, letting her toes tickle the ground._

" _If you ever fucking dare again, I swear to god." I whispered harshly, my breath hitting her face._

_WIth tears in her eyes, McKinley's Queen Bee nodded in submission._

_I won't let you go next time, Berry." I breathed against her ear before I let her go, after just one more shove against the lockers._

_Ash she fell to the ground with a small cry, I turned on my heel and marched down the hallway. I could hear her starting to cry behind me, and I didn't bother to turn back._

_I did what I had to do._

* * *

Adding Santana into my phone contacts, I smirked at the memory of what I did to Rachel. I knew Santana probably wouldn't have been happy about my retaliation, but it was about a lot more than just the fact that she got slushied.

**Text to: Lopez**

_[ You didn't wait long to text me did ya, Lil' One. ]_

It was only earlier that day, right before I found Rachel in the corridor, when I slipped her my number while I was walking out of homeroom.

I wasn't entirely sure why I did it, but I was happy that I could text her. It certainly was an easier way to communicate than getting caught at school by Puck or anyone else who wanted to get into my business.

**Text from: Lopez**

_[ No.. But you didn't hurt Rachel, did you? Everyone is saying she ran out of school. ]_

I sighed. Even after Rachel was a complete bitch to her, Santana still wanted peace and sunshine. That just wasn't the kind of world we lived in. I knew that more than most.

**Text to: Lopez**

_[ Relax. I didn't put a single bruise on her. I just had a few things to say. I can kind of play by your rules, Lopez. ]_

Not that I was playing by anyones rules but my own. I could have beaten her up if I wanted to. I can do anything I want, with or without Santana's permission. Even though I knew she wouldn't be too happy about what and how I said what I did to Rachel.

**Text from: Lopez**

_[ Oh… Well, thank you. I'm proud of you, Brittany :) ]_

I couldn't help the way my face broke into a wide smile. Catching myself in the act, I cleared my throat and moved to make sure Puck wasn't aware of what I was doing. He was there, snoring away with his face buried in my pillow.

It was then when I remembered about my plans for the weekend. It was a bit of a long stretch, but having Santana join me at a house party before wasn't so bad. I couldn't help but wonder if she would enjoy it again.. And if I would too. There were a million excuses I could come up with to cover my want to spend time with the nerd, so that really wasn't a problem. Especially considering that this party wouldn't be crawling with cheerleaders and assholes from school.

**Text to: Lopez**

_[ Come to another party at Sugar's with me this weekend. I can make sure u can spend the night so u don't crash in my bed again ;) ]_

As per usual, it was a demand rather than a request.

**Text from: Lopez**

_[ Okay. I'll ask my parents. Will you make sure I'll be safe, like last time? ]_

**Text to: Lopez**

_[ Ur always safe with me ]_

It might have been the first time I had been genuinely excited about one of Sugar's parties, and I wasn't sure if I was okay with that or not. The thought stayed with me as I turned my phone off and tried to settle down into sleep. I knew I was in for a mostly sleepless night, and wished I had some weed to take the edge off a little, but I had used it all up with Puck before we had sex to get me in the mood.

I was going to look like crap in the morning, but at least I would be able to blame that on Puck.

I always was a good liar.


	10. Chapter 10: Rule Number One

I was never one to be at a party on time, much less a little early, but with Sugar texting me in a panic about not having enough alcohol, it was easier to help the girl out rather than suffer her constant and annoying bothering. It only took Puck and myself an hour to drive to the liquor store and use our fake IDs and Sugar's credit card to fill the back of my truck with crates of bottles.

Thanks to her rich dad and his use of money instead of love.

It was rare that I was already at a house when people started to arrive, but there I was, drinking beer with Joe and Puck in the sunroom while Sugar welcomed people through her front door. I wasn't really one for pleasantries, but I could afford to give the occasional nod to people who filtered through who apparently knew me. I had a little bit of a reputation in Lima, be it my bad attitude or my motocross hobby. Either way, I still wasn't exactly going to be the most social butterfly.

"I can't believe you got Lezpez to party again,"

Puck's amused outburst dragged me away from my thoughts as a reminder of how much I was weirdly looking forward to the night. I knew I had to tell Puck that I invited her along, or he would have made somewhat of a scene in front of everyone about it like the idiot he was. Luckily, he seemed to think it was still part of the little bet that he had. As long as he found it amusing, I knew he wouldn't act like a fool and ruin the night for everyone.

After all, I couldn't tell him I invited her because I wanted to spend time with her.

I don't even think I understood that myself.

"Yeah well, it wasn't hard to get her to agree. She thinks I'm the shit," I smirked, finishing my beer and throwing the empty bottle to the side before grabbing another and opening the top with my teeth. "Unlike you, I suppose I'm likable,"

I'm not sure I had ever heard Puckerman laugh so hard and I couldn't help but roll my eyes, but as soon as I opened my mouth to respond, Joe reached into his backpack and pulled out a bong I recognized as the one he had built himself in woodshop. The finished product seemed well worth the after school detention he had gotten himself into for not following the instructions of making a bird house. Seriously, though.. Who even uses a bird house anymore? In my opinion, this was a far better use of precious time and materials.

"Tonight's the night to test drive the Monster," Joe piped up, a lazy smile on his lips as he arranged it in front of himself to start packing it. It was certainly enough to stop Puck laughing like an idiot. Joe, even though he didn't talk too much and didn't involve himself in the things Puck and I got involved in, always knew just what to do or say to steer things in the right direction. By the way he looked at me with kind eyes and a smile, it was as though he knew I wanted Puck to shut up.

"I think it's righteous you got Little Lopez to come. Everyone deserves a friend," Joe added, pulling a bag of weed from his pocket. Apparently, with the promise of drugs, Puck didn't have anything to say to make him look like an asshole.

"She's alright," I shrugged, avoiding meeting eyes with Puckerman. He knew me better than anyone else. He would be tell if something was out of the ordinary. I don't know if I was happy or not, that he was in a playful mood.

"Are you making friends, Britt? How  _sweet_  of you," He smirked, leaning back on one hand while he sipped on his beer. "Very progressive,"

"Fuck off," I could only grumble in return, watching Joe light up the bong.

As though he could sense how uncomfortable I was, Joe handed the equipment to me as soon as he finished his first hit. Lighting the bowl, I was quick to place the funnel over my lips, breathing in the sweet, thick smoke. It took just an instant, pulling away and letting the smoke trickle from my lips, to forget how much Puck was bugging me. My whole body relaxed, and a lazy smile pulled at my mouth as I went for a second hit.

"Hey Britt, your gal pal is here,"

And just like that, Puck managed to ruin my slight hint at a good mood. At least I now knew that Santana had finally shown up – on time like I predicted. Having to be around all these people I couldn't give two shits about might be a little more bearable.

I shot her a small smile, and Santana returned it instantly, the tentative worried look that was previously plastered all over her face completely fell away with the look of comforted familiarity. It was honestly a new experience to have that effect on someone, but it wasn't entirely unwelcome.

"Dang.. She cleans up kinda nicely," Puck whispered to me with a nudge of his shoulder. Though I responded with a light elbow to his ribs, he did have somewhat of a point. Maybe it was because I'd never (and probably the whole student body of McKinley High), hadn't seen her wear a dress before, but she didn't look too bad. Sure, it was a knee length number with a high collar and no exposed skin – much like the school uniform from some kind of fancy boarding school, but it sure was an improvement on the baggy jeans and vests. Her hair was down an lightly curled in dark waves, and I couldn't help but think that she must have gone out of her way to ask for someone's help to get ready for the night.

"Come join us, kiddo," Joe smiled, shifting up a little and patting the space between himself and me on the couch after I passed him back the bong. Though Santana looked a little shaken at the invitation at first, she didn't waste much time before moving into position. Joe was perhaps one of the least threatening people I knew – at least once you got to know him. I wasn't really all that surprised that he would have been the first to open up his arms in friendship to anyone.

"Sorry about my brownies doing a number on you. Here.. You'll like this better. Take a hit.. Enjoy the chill. We're all friends here," He smiled lazily, offering the huge bong to Santana the instant she had gotten herself comfortable.

"I.. uh.. Thank you, Joe," She stuttered out, taking the rather alien looking object into her hands. Clearing her throat a little, she turned to me with eyes like a doe stuck in the headlights of a huge truck. Smirking, I pulled a lighter out of my pocket.

"It's alright. It won't kill ya. Just take a deep breath through the top," I instructed, sparking up the bowl and waiting for her to do as I instructed. Though I only half expected her to do it, I was actually a little impressed that she did.

When she pulled away, Santana heaved as she started to cough up the thick smoke. Puck snorted to the other side of me, and Joe clapped before taking back his bong – as usual just blissfully happy to have someone to enjoy his gear.

"Atta girl," I smirked, when Santana had finally finished her little coughing fit.

"Yeah, you did better than B on her first hit. I see why you keep her around. Nerd has balls,"

Though she looked a little confused at first, Santana soon smiled softly at the realization that she wasn't being instantly rejected by Puck, a light flush of color on her cheeks.

"Thank you.. Noah,"

" _Please_. All my ladies call me Puck… Or Daddy,"

"No one calls you that, idiot," I sighed with a roll of my eyes. Of course he was going to try flirting with her. He was Puck, and Santana didn't look like a Mormon with bad fashion taste for once. I usually didn't really give a second thought about who he tried to poorly hit on, but something about it being Santana irked me. He was teasing me about her following me around like a little lost puppy, and now he was being that cocky idiot version of himself. It was just annoying, more than anything.

"Shame you're not her type, huh?" I responded, after seeing the way Santana's mouth moved to hand open a little, any comments that she had were just lost somewhere in between her brain and her voice box.

"Can't knock it till you try it, Lopez?" He suggested with a wiggle of his brow.

"Um.. No thank you?"

I snorted. Always the polite one. It was actually rather comical.

"See. Go sniff yourself out a ripe cheerleader and get her to make some regretful life choices," I chuckled, nodding towards a flock of girls that had found their way into Sugar's house.. Actually wearing their obnoxious red and white uniforms. Serious, why was that even a thing that people did? They weren't even sexy.

"Cool, cool.. Catch ya later," He agreed haphazardly with a wolfish grin as he set his eyes on the girls and quickly rose from the circle, leaving the sun room. He was so predictable, it was almost charming. But I wouldn't ever go quite that far.

Noticing that Joe was handing me back the Monster (as he called it), I finished off my bottle of beer and gratefully took the bong back for a hit. Though my fingers were tingling a little and all the usually wound up muscles in my body were nicely relaxed, I still felt far too sober to be dealing with over half the people that were now filling Sugar's house. I truly had no idea how the little wannabe skank did it, seeing as she was probably off mingling with everyone and talking constantly about herself and how cool she was.. Or whatever she did. I had to give it to her. She must have something good going for her considering she could deal with it all.

"Hey, B.. I gotta go see a dog about a bone," Joe spoke up after checking his phone. He reached into his pocket to pull out a baggy of weed, a lopsided smile on his face. He was perhaps the least subtle drug dealer I had ever met, but he was just so damn likable, it seemed to work for him. Impressive.

"Kay, but I'm keeping this," I stated, tapping at the wooden object in my lap.

"Sure thing. She's all yours. Still glad you're here, little dude," Joe smiled as he patted his hand gently against Santana's shoulder before he stood up. I followed him with my eyes as he moved out of the sun room, and towards where I could have sworn I could recognize Mercedes. Though, my mind as probably playing tricks on me. Joe was pretty chummy with everyone, but she was Rachel's right hand bitch. Not to mention, she didn't seem like the type to touch drugs with a ten foot pole. Especially not since I beat her ass.

It took Santana shifting a little nervously next to be to drag my attention back. It was just the two of us now, but at least things were significantly less awkward between the two of us than they used to be.

Bringing my lips to the bong, I lit, and took a deep huff of the smoke. I could see the way that Santana was watching me behind her thick rimmed glasses. Though her staring wasn't exactly something I wasn't getting used to at this point, it still peaked my attention span. I knew I was interesting to look at, but still.

"Want a hit?" I offered, holding out the bong to Santana.

"Oh.. No thank you," She replied, "My throat still hurts a little,"

I couldn't help but smirk. I still remember, clear as day, when I had my first round of it. Even already having smoked cigarettes for a while, weed still made me cough and splutter as I got used to the feel of it. I never really managed to take it down properly until a few tries of some of the older guys giving me blowbacks.

It was almost like a lightbulb sparked above my head.

"Wanna try a blowback?" I asked, lips still curled in an impish smirk.

"What's that?"

Quite honestly, I must have had more to smoke and possibly drink than I thought I did. Why else would I have wanted to get so close to Santana in that kind of a way? But then again, Puckerman wasn't anywhere to be seen, so without anyone making inappropriate, pig-headed comments, who really gave a shit? The cheerleading team were always holding hands and rubbing up on each other like some kind of awful teenage boy fantasy, and no one shouted about that being gay. Why did I care so much?

Turning my body on the couch to face Santana a little more, I let my lips cover the mouth of the bong and started to intake the smoke. After I was satisfied I had gotten a lungful, I dropped the bong back down into my lap, holding my breath as I caught Santana's eyes with my own. She looked so confused about what I was doing, and probably my lack of a response to her question – this was going to be fun.

Reaching across to cup her jaw with my hand, I could feel Santana gasp a little in surprise before she gave in to the way I was pulling her towards me. He was putty in my hands, and I wouldn't lie and say that it didn't give my ego a little bit of a boost.

The closer I pulled Santana's face towards my own, the more hyperaware I became about what I was actually doing. Santana's plump and slowly parting lips were less than an inch away from my own, and I could feel the heat radiating from her face. My eyes flickered shut just as our lips grazed one another, the dryness from smoking making each fraction of my skin all the more hypersensitive to how it scraped against the other pair. Though my heart was beating wildly to the extent that I could feel it banging against my ribcage, I didn't feel as though I wanted to push the nerd off me and leave. Joe wasn't lying when he said he brought the good stuff.

It took me a good few seconds until my lungs started to ache, and I hastily remembered that I had a task at hand. Ever so slowly, as to not spook the other girl, I exhaled the thick smoke into Santana's mouth. With the hand on her jaw, I could feel the moment she realized what I was doing and sucked in what I had to give her. With no coughing, Santana took it all, blowing it all back out of herself when I finally sat back.

"Better, huh?" I smiled wolfishly, taking note on how Santana almost looked as though she had just realized she missed some kind of huge exam. Her face was red, lips parted as her shoulders heaved with how hard she was breathing.

"I.. um… Y-yeah.."

Her response was all the answer I needed. Rolling my eyes at how easily she was to fluster beyond being able to function properly, I dropped the bong down onto the couch before standing up.

"Come on. I wanna grab a drink, and dance or something,"

* * *

I wasn't exactly sure how many gulps of the bottle of Jack Daniels I had actually gotten through, but Sugar's party was suddenly all the more interesting. Not even having to see red and white cheerleading uniforms flash by me pissed me off. Perhaps that was the reason Sugar often told me that I was her favorite version of myself when I was at a party. I suppose I was easier to impress that way.

"C'mon.. Another one," I encouraged, handing the bottle over to Santana, who was quite honestly starting to struggle being able to stay still on her own two feet.

"Britt.."

Her whine was accompanied with her gripping tighter to my leather jacket, obviously feeling rather comfortable in her dazed persona, pressed so close to me without so much as a single tremble. Impressive.

"Pleaseee?" I smirked, waggling the bottle between us. "For me? 'Cause you think I'm hot,"

She let out an exasperated groan as she took the bottle, her noise scrunching up as she looked down at it.

"That's not fair.." She almost pouted, though I could see the hint of a small smile on her lips when she looked back up at me.

"I'm not a fair person," I replied, and with a surprisingly sassy roll of her eye, Santana threw her head back as she took another swig of the drink.

"Disgusting!" She grimaced as soon as she swallowed. "I don't know how you like drinking that.."

The comment made me laugh, taking the bottle back and letting my free hand rest at her side – seeing as my movements were causing her to really sway a little too much. I don't know why I felt even the toniest bit surprised that Santana was a lightweight when it came to drinking. After all, she wasn't the party type what so ever. Not to mention she'd already had a little bit of weed in her system. Still.. She hadn't had nearly as much as I had to drink. Though, at this point, I wasn't entirely sure who was the most self-aware out of the two of us.

"C'mon, Lil' One. Let's dance,"

Without giving her so much as a say, I pulled Santana into the center of the room, where an unrecognizable amount of people were dancing. It was that time of the night where more people had already up – probably either from the community college, or whoever had caught wind of the tweets that I _knew_  that Sugar always sent out. There wasn't a single flash of a face that I could pin point to someone I was aware existed in my life.. Not that I was paying too much attention, or sober enough to care.

Letting out a soft hum, I let my hands pull at Santana's hips, starting to sway to the heavy thump of music and dragging her along with me. With the alcohol taking a font seat in the other girl, it didn't take her very long at all to start moving alongside me, her arms looping clumsily around my neck.

"You're very pretty," She smiled up at me, tugging her lip slopping between her teeth to hide her grin, before she let her forehead fall forward onto my chest. She felt heavy, but seeing as the room was spinning around me, I really wasn't the one to judge.

"Hmm.. You're not bad either," I responded, letting my face fall against the top of Santana's head. Soft hair tickled against my face, my nose happily inhaling the warm, comfortable smell of the other woman. I hated being close to other people, but it wasn't unpleasant in the slightest.

"Really?" She asked, pulling away from my chest just enough to be able to look back up at my face. I wasn't sure when exactly she had stopped dancing.. or really started at all, but we were at a standstill amongst a sea of dancing and sweaty faceless bodies.

Furrowing my brow for just a moment, I let my eyes flicker over Santana's rose tinted face. He really had become familiar to me recently, even down to knowing all about how her nose crinkled ever so slightly when she was thinking too hard. Just like it was now. There was just something about her that somehow affected me so. She was, unlike everyone else I talked to, the epitome of niceness and innocence. How she put up with me, I really had no idea.

As if moving on its own accord, one of my hands left her hips, and instead, slipping against her cheek. Though the music was piercing, I could still hear the way she gasped ever so slightly. She was warm and soft under my calloused hand. It was just the constant reminded that I could break her so easily if I wanted to – but I couldn't think of anything worse. Santana was special. After all those years of bullying her and not even knowing her name, who'd have thought that I would actually care about her. And I did. That much, I had to admit.

It took my longer than a few second to catch that my eyes had flickered down to her lips. It was definitely the liquor talking, but they looked rather inviting. The thought of kissing another woman had always been the furthest away from my mind, but now – I couldn't shake it away.

"Britt.." Santana whimpered with a shake to her voice. She pushed her body closer to me, stepping completely into my space and flooding me with warmth. My stomach dropped. I had no idea what I was doing, my body just functioning on some kind of drunken autopilot. The only thing I was really all that aware of, was the way that my heart was painfully lurching against my sternum with every pump. Maybe I was going to die. This had to be close to how that felt.

Fuck it.

With my hand slipping back to tangle within the loose strands of the strands of hair at the back of Santana's head, I pulled her towards me at the same time as I pushed forwards. Hands twisted and gripped at the lapels of my leather jacket.

My eyes snapped shut, lips parting and closing around Santana's plump lower lip in a heated kiss.


	11. Chapter 11: Iris

The should-be quiet noises around me pierced my head like an ice pick, my body waking up as my head pounded in my ears. The loud groan that emanated from my body was bellowing, the pain that registered was something that could have only meant that I mixed weed and alcohol the night before.. And not in the good way.

"What the fuck…?" I grumbled, rolling over to bury my face in the pillow to shut out the sunlight that threatened to sting my fragile, stinging eyes.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,"

Hearing the mumbling beside me on the bed, paired with a dip in the mattress, I finally etched my eyes open. Through the fierce, flooding light, I could see the silhouette of a small girl rushing around the bedroom.

"Lil' One?" I questioned, the silence only confirming to me who the other girl could be. After all, if it were anyone else, I probably would have felt as though I wanted to scratch off their skin by now.

"Ugh it hurts so bad.." I growled, rolling over onto my back and throwing an arm over my face in an effort to weed out the blinding brightness of the room. I couldn't remember what the hell had happened the night before. Especially not through the pain With another groan, I let my free hand drift to my swirling stomach, unsurprised to find that it was bare to the touch. I did wake up partially naked more often than not.

"..I lost my clothes."

"Brittany!" The shriek stabbed through my poor brain like a lobotomy.

"Brittany.. What the.. What the heck happened?"

If I wasn't in so much unconceivable pain, I would have found it amusing that Santana almost cursed.

"Lopez, fuck.. Stop with all the God damn shouting," I groaned, removing my arm from my eyes to hold hands over my ears. It wasn't very effective, but at least it looked like I was trying to block Santana out. Maybe that way, she would get the hint that I was practically dying.

"I.. Brittany? Did we-… Oh my gosh.."

I felt the bed dip next to me, and I didn't need to open my eyes to know that Santana had finally stopped banging around and pacing to sit back down on the matrass. The bounce and softness of it could have only meant that we did, indeed, make it to the spare room at Sugar's house that was promised to me. I had slept in it more times than I could probably remember clearly.

I probably should have been offended that Santana instantly thought that she and I had fucked the night before. I wasn't gay, so I don't know where she would have gotten that from. That, and I wasn't the kind of asshole to take her virginity in a drunken lay. That would have been as fun as sandpapering my eyelids off. Sue me for it, but I liked experience.

"What the hell.." I mumbled, rolling over onto my stomach and finally letting my eyes set on Santana.

At first, I was a little surprised to see that she was in nothing but her underwear. I had to admit, underneath all those baggy clothes and ugly fabrics, she actually had a pretty decent body. Her skin was a perfect complexion of caramel, and her arms and stomach were toned wonderfully. She almost looked like she worked out, if the image of Santana on an exercise machine wasn't too ridiculous to think about.

"I wouldn't have done that. I ain't that much of an ass," I finished, burying the lower half of my face against my arm. I felt awful, and I sure as hell probably looked it, too. It wasn't like I cared that much if I looked like garbage. It was only Santana. I didn't need to impress her or anything. Besides, she was obviously having her own little freak out.

I watched as Santana let out a low, shaking breath, letting her hands fall down into her lap. She looked concerned – quite obviously so. But she didn't look as though she was going to have one of her panic attacks. I was glad of that. I was in no fit state to be at all helpful when it came to getting her out of it. I felt awful.

I stayed silent as I watched her stand up and search for her dress from the night before. She found it, draped across the floor at the foot of the bed. She quickly moved to pull it back onto her body and my eyes flickered to her unblemished skin as she moved and stretched. It was certainly a little less disgusting to think that I slept next to that last night, in place of Puck's hairy and sweat ridden physique.

"I'm sorry," Santana finally broke the silence when she had redressed, her chin tilted down in submission.

"I won," I replied with the smallest attempt of a smile against my arm. Santana's head cocked to the side as she looked back at me, obviously not following me at all. "You said sorry for 'nout. I get my reward,"

"Oh I-.. Um.. What do you want?" Santana asked quietly, kicking her toe against the carpet as she awkwardly stood away from the bed and my half naked, sprawled out body.

"I dunno. I'll think of summin'.." I mumbled, letting my eyes fall back to closed. For the life of me, I had no idea how Santana could have leaped out of bed as though she was bright eyed and bushy tailed. It was weird.

We fell into a half-comfortable silence, and I almost felt a though I could have fallen back to sleep. Santana, however, had other idea. The bed dipped beside me, and even with my eyes closed, I could see the gears turning over in the other girls' mind.

"Do you remember anything?" Santana asked, her voice shaking slightly, oozed with nerves. "From last night?"

"I remember dancing with you and shit.." I replied, rubbing my face to clear away some of the threatening sleepiness. I could remember the flashes of dancing, and getting Santana to swig from my bottle of liquor. She looked more carefree than I had ever seen her – actually choosing to let loose instead of being forced that way. We talked, and we laughed.. And I had gotten close enough to count the number of thick eyelashes that adorned each eye.

The softness of her lips.

"I kissed you, didn't I?"

The silence was enough to confirm that I hadn't just imagined that. In all truthfulness, I didn't really regret it.I was a drunk mess, and I had done much stupider things than kissing a girl. i didn't even like girls in that way.. But the thought that i had maybe upset Santana? That was something that sat uncomfortably on my stomach.

"I didn't like… Force you into that, did I? I'm a jerk when I drink,"

It was an honest question, and I forced my eyes wide open, turning onto my side. This little nerd had slowly become one of the people I actually found I could tolerate.. And I actually felt rather fond of her even though it used to pain me to admit it. I would have punched myself if I ruined all of that by being my usual, drunken idiotic self.

"What?" Santana perked up, her head shooting up from the comforter she was so interested in just a moment ago, to look at me. "I kissed you too… I just.. If I remember right, I think you were the one that stopped things, and put me to bed.."

I let out a dry chuckle at the thought that I was the one that somehow acted like the mature gentleman, even when I was drunk as fuck. It surely was a little different than the times I had sex in public, or got into awful drunken fights.

Unfortunately, my body didn't think it was as funny as I did, and my head gave me an almighty throb in response to my laugh. Wincing and letting out a pained whimper, I slammed my eyes shut.

"Oh Britt.. Can I get you anything?" Santana asked me, her voice soothing my head like a coating of honey. She reached out to tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear, and I couldn't stop the way I leaned into her light touch.

Honestly, I didn't really know what to think. I had experienced more than my fair share of random hookups that I couldn't even remember.. But this time, it had been with a girl. And I had been the one to stop anything more from happening. None of it made sense and the confusion just made my head ache more.

I knew I needed to take some time, sleep and think about what the hell was going on.. But the last thing I wanted was Santana to leave. She made me feel better, even if I felt like utter shit.

"Are you mad at me?" Santana's small voice dragged me back to the present.

"No. Why would I be mad at you?"

"I don't know.. I just figured you'd be more freaked out than you are."

She had a point.

"I make out with everyone. It's no big deal,"

I was brushing it off, but if it made things less awkward between us, then I would do it. I felt like death warmed up, and the last thing I wanted was to get into anything right now. I would just take it out on myself at a later time. I was too miserable to be mad at anyone right now. Even then, Santana would have been the last person to be at the receiving end of that.

"Are you going to sleep some more?"

I almost forgot about Santana's constant need to question about everything and anything.

"Maybe. I dunno,"

As soon as the words left my mouth, Santana's hand was resting delicately against my forehead. She really was a constant worrier, but it felt nice. It had been a long time since anyone had genuinely cared for me in such a way.. Not only because they didn't want to, but because I never let anyone try.

But Santana was apparently my exception for most thing.

"Are you sure you don't need me to get you anything. You look awful.. I mean! Not that you look ugly or anything.. You could never. You're burning up. And You obviously have a hangover.." Santana rambled, and I could do nothing but chuckle silently.

Even her weird mumbling made me feel better.

"I don't need anything.." I reassured, putting a little weight on my arms to push myself closer to Santana, and further against the hand on my head. It was strange, how much she calmed me down. I should probably be apprehensive about that, and second guessing myself and what was happening, but the sooner I did that.. The sooner I would realize things that I really didn't want to know.

"Just stay," I admitted, letting my eyes find Santana's as the corners of my mouth curled up into a light lipped attempt at a smile.

It was silent for a few moments, before Santana let out a lungful of air that she was holding.

"I'll stay," She nodded, letting her hand move from my heated forehead to the side of my face. Cupping my neck, her thumb gently brushed against my cheek. She started to move in the bed, opting away from sitting. She slid in neck to me, laying facing me, her hand still resting against the crook of my neck.

Though we fell into another silence, I could almost hear the business of Santana's mind. Her dark, wide eyes swirled with emotions as she looked at me. Not like my friends, or the victims of my bullying, or even Puck looked at me when I was bare and exposed in front of him. Santana really _looked_  at me. Not just me, but everything I was away from the outside.

There was trust in her eyes, and a deep adoration that was almost too overwhelming. I didn't deserve anything even close to that. She looked at me as though I was a precious constellation that she could hold in her palms. Entire worlds, wrapped up in one individual person.

My stomach lurched, but not from the alcohol or the sickness. It lurched with the realization that maybe.. Just maybe.. Santana was that to me. She was a solid ground that I had found with years of anger, and pain, and mess. She was familiar to me, but not just because we had taken the time to get to know one another very, very slowly. But because we fit. She calmed me, and saw past all the shit I threw up to keep a wall between myself and the rest of the world. I wanted to protect her, and I wanted to have her.

Closing my eyes to break the magnetic pull between us, I let out a low, shaky breath. The warmth of Santana's ever caressing hand shot wave after wave of heat and comfort through my veins. I desired this, and for once in my life, I couldn't help but be weak.

"I know what I want.. for you breaking the bet." I finally spoke up, flickering my eyes open to search out their match. I wondered how many timed Santana's eyes had been overlooked; the vulnerability and purity I found in them, looking at me so deeply at that moment. I couldn't stop myself from shivering, struggling to make sense of any of it.

My eyes flittered down to Santana's full, supple lips and back up to her eyes, my heart hammering in my chest. I felt fragile.. And I knew I shouldn't ask. But I did.

"I want you to kiss me."

I watched Santana's eyes widen at my request and immediately regretted asking. The overwhelming feeling of dread draped by body like a rough blanket.

"Are you sure?" She asked me.

I wasn't sure. Not at all. I didn't understand why I wanted this, or what this feeling even was. I never felt powerless.. Not even for a second. I buried herself under her my thick skin as to never feel anything. Feelings could ruin you.. I wasn't used to it.

Hell, I didn't even know what it was.

I nodded slowly, and Santana's fingers twitched where they sat against my cheek. Dark eyes lowered to my lips, and I couldn't help but dip out my tongue to wet them in anticipation. Santana wanted this as much as I did, and confidence seemed to flood slowly back through me with the reassurance of that fact.

My arm snaked across the bed, gently and ever so slowly reaching out to take Santana's small waist. I pulled her closer to me, craving to hold her closer, as though she would keep me calm as my chest tightened and squeezed with a feeling I didn't know how to process.

The smaller the gap between us became, the more I knew that I wanted this. My blunt nails dug into Santana's side, earning myself a sweet little gasp. I felt the breath hit my lips as I pulled us flush, chin tilting as I captured sweet lips with my own.


	12. Chapter 12: Playing With Fire

I found myself holding back a small whimper that threatened to leak from my throat as Santana started to move her lips against mine. The feeling vibrated through every inch of my body, and I couldn't help but shudder. I was kissing Santana.. and the thought that it was actually happening while I was consenting and sober didn't disgust me in the slightest. Before I had the ability to register what was happening, I felt Santana lean further into my body.

Instead of the small kiss that I had intended it to be when we started, our lips moved against one another with untold urgency. She was clumsy and a little timid compared to my experience with kissing, but her lips were softer than any I had kissed before. Whether that was something that came with Santana being a woman, or just being Santana– I didn't know. But it wasn't unpleasant. It sent a soft wash of heat over my tired limbs, combining together in the belly of my chest with a swell.

It took until my fingers twitched uselessly for me to realize that I had use of them. I had never been a person of theory – and used my hands to manipulate the world around me instead of my mind, but I had never felt the desperate need to touch. Like my fingers were kleptomaniacs of their own accord, just yearning to feel and touch in order to feel some higher affirmation of fulfillment. I reached out to blindly capture the swell of Santana's hip with my palm, pulling her closer against my body and arching into her touch.

The way her body fit, curve against curve, was alien to me. Warm and fragile against my toned and hardened frame. I could so easily mold and manipulate her, but it was my own body that caved into it. It seemed something so ridiculous, but I felt more with Santana's lips moving ever so slowly against my own, parting and enveloping my own, than I could ever remember with anyone else.

It was intimate.. And I hated it.

I felt Santana move under my hand, her thigh raising from the mattress between us to be thrown over my hips. As she shifted on top of me, I followed her kiss blindly with my mouth. I only took note of the change in position when she lowered her weight against my hips, thighs resting either side of my own.

My hands slid down from her hips to the bare skin of her thighs. Her dress had ridden up to bunch up at the top of her thighs. Feeling her legs against my own, it was as though I had only just realized my own state of undress, clad only in my flimsy excuse for underwear from the night before.

I was pinned below someone very  _female_ , and the worst part was that I was actually enjoying it. Every moment of it.

Just as I was starting to freeze up under Santana's frame, my fingers digging their way into velvety thighs, Santana's lips parted against my own as the faintest hint of a tongue poked its way out to swipe ever so gently against my lower lip. I shuddered, a low groan sounding against Santana's mouth as my body reacted as though I had absolutely no control over it in the slightest.

I wanted to return the gesture, but I wouldn't allow myself to give in that easily. With a whimper of discomfort, I clamped my teeth down against my tongue to render it useless.

"Britt.."

Even Santana's voice, raspy from breathlessness, pierced right through my resolve.

My eyes snapped open with slight panic and the light basking through the open curtains flooding in and sent a stab of pain into my head. My senses flooded back to be, though my body immobile and my head was dizzy from the kiss we had shared. I flinched under Santana, begging my body to move away and out from under Santana as quickly as I could.

Instead, Santana's head dropped, her warm breath tickling at the exposed skin of my neck. I truly had no idea how Santana could suddenly feel so confident and comfortable with me, but her lips tickled below my jawline. I froze up just as a light moan left my mouth.

Feeling my chest tighten and my heart hammering in my ribcage, traveling down to my taught stomach muscles, I moved her hands up to Santana's shoulders to pry her away before pushing myself up and away from Santana to sit, almost cowering against the headboard of the bed.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck.."

Eyes wide, I watched as Santana's rose tinted face fell into a frown, realization dawning upon her about what had just happened.

"Brittany!... I'm sorry," She stuttered, reaching out to place her hand against my tense shoulder, but I flinched away from her touch. "I didn't-.. I thought you-… I'm sorry,"

She curled into herself, dress still bunched around her hips as she wrapped her arms around her own torso.

"Well you thought wrong," I spat back at her, fighting any slight urge inside of me that wanted to reach out and comfort the almost shaking girl in front of me. I couldn't touch her. If I did, I would turn into that pathetic jello that wouldn't be able to get away. Again.

I needed to regain my status. No one ever overthrew me so easily. I wasn't weak. Not to anyone.

"But you… Asked me to kiss you," Her voice was small, and I barely had time to register that tears were starting to form in her eyes before they were spilling freely down her cheeks. Santana's bottom lip quivered, and it took everything from me to bark back at her.

"You can go now. I can take care of myself,"

I tightened my jaw and lowered my eyes away from Santana before I could change my mind. The stung.. But I wasn't going to cry. I never cried.

"Brittany, please," She whimpered. "I'm sorry, I-I won't do that again, I promise Just…can we please just forget about it? We…we were becoming friends, and I really liked it, we can go back to that. I won't tell anyone about this and we can forget it. Please."

I couldn't forget it. How could I?

"We weren't friends." I spat. I couldn't be friends with Santana… And I couldn't have a soft spot for anyone. Whatever this was? Whatever I felt for Santana? I had to get away from it as fast as I could. I wasn't that kind of person, and I definitely wasn't gay.

"Just fuck off, Lopez."

Moving across the bed to the cold sheets, I shoved myself below the sheets, turning away from Santana as I covered my body. Closing my eyes, I tried to control my breathing, stopping the erratic way my lungs were trying to inhale.

It took more than a few minutes of listening to Santana's sniffing and soft sobbing before the bed shifted and Santana moved around the room to collect her things. Keeping my eyes tightly shut, I didn't move until I heard the door open and close with a click.

And I was alone.

* * *

I lifted my head from the covers of the bed to find them stained and soaked with my tears.

I didn't know how long it had been since Santana left. Minuets? Hours? I had just been frozen. Scared that I would run after her. I couldn't afford to show the weakness in my chink-less armor or I would be ruined. The shield I had built around myself since elementary school would be shattered and I would crumble. I didn't do feelings and never have, so what gave a girl the right to waltz into my life, changing everything I had ever known about myself. It made me feel small and pathetic.

I threw the limp covers off my body and swung my legs over the edge to stand up off the bed. I loved the bed when I had stayed before time and time again, but now it just felt like a prison. My skin crawled and my head was pounding from the excess I had been drinking the night before. There was nothing I could possibly do about that, unless Santana came back to comfort me and soothe it all, in a way that only she could

Catching my trail of thought, I growled at myself and made a move to kick the nightstand next to the bed. The furniture clattered to the floor as pain shot from my big toe, all the way up into my calf. It was a stupid move, but I couldn't stand it otherwise. I couldn't be in the room any longer, and I needed to get out as quickly as I could.

Ignoring the slight limp I now sported, I rushed around the room to find my scattered clothes from the night before, throwing them haphazardly over my body. I didn't care what I looked like, and anyone that may still be lingering around in the house from the night before knew better than to talk to me. If they did, I didn't have any moral issues with throwing a punch or two. I was far past the point of caring about that – more than I usually was.

Running from the room and down the elaborate staircase that ran through the center of Sugar's house, I made a beeline for the nearest exit to the outside grounds. Though the fresh air away from the stale after party haze felt incredible against my sweat stained skin, I didn't have time to bask in it. My eyes fell to where my bike sat, the rest of the courtyard blurring into nothingness at the edges of my vision. I was tunnel-set, and I needed to get home as quickly as I could.

Swinging her leg over, I roared the heavy engine to life. I pushed off the ground almost instantly with a mighty engine rev, not caring to even think about where I had left my helmet. The sharp air hit my stinging eyes like a million sharp knives as I hit the road and picked up speed. I squinted through the pain, weaving through the light early morning traffic until I was at the center of town

I didn't realize I had started to cry until the force of air around my head pushed a tear into my mouth, the saltiness bitter against my tongue. Turning into the parking lot of my apartment building, I let out a deep sob.

I swerved, losing control of my handlebar.

With a beastly sound of scraping metal, I found myself tumbling to the concrete as the machine leaped out from under me. Through my body scraped against the ground, I felt numb as I crumpled in a heap, unmoving.

Coughing lightly before taking in a deep breath to make up for what I had lost, I took a few moments to myself before I shakily went to stand back up on my feet. Without even sending a second glance towards the motorcycle that lay lifeless a few feet away from me, I turned on my heel and storm towards my apartment block.

Just as I unlocked the door with trembling hands, I felt my phone vibrate where I had shoved it haphazardly into my bra. Pulling it out as I kicked the door shut behind me, I clumsily navigated to my messages.

**Text from: Fuckerman -**   
_[ Hope you enjoyed your night macking on that little nerd ;) Hot, Britt. I didn't know you were into licking pussy, even if this is all for a bet. Invite me next time. Daddy likes a girl on girl show. Don't forget about me now you're a lesbo lol! ]_

With a scream, I threw my phone against the wall. The sound of the crack hit my ears.

Breathing heavily, racked with guilt and distress, I tore into her apartment. Running into my living room area, all I could think of was the smirk on Puckerman's face as he evidently watched me get with Santana. What he must have thought of me being with a woman. Who else might have seen what I was doing and now assumed thing about me that weren't true.

I thought about Santana, and how much I hated that I enjoyed the feel of her against me. How good her lips felt against my own, and how much I really didn't want to stop. I couldn't think like that. I wasn't gay. I couldn't be gay, and Santana could never, ever be my friend. She couldn't be my anything.

In an instant of blind rage, my fist collided against the solid wall, a sharp cry leaving my mouth as all that desperation and all that frustration left me the instant a bone cracked in my hand.

The pain hit me in an instant, and I slid down the wall, cradling my throbbing hand with my other, the red hot agony more soothing to me than I would like to admit.

Though it hurt, and the concrete scrapes started to sting, the pain was but a blemish to the ache I felt in my chest.

**Author's Note:**

> I missed this story. R&R if you wanna! ♥


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